7:54am

My heart is heavy as I think of what will take place in almost 2 weeks. It is what I have been on my knees and crying out to the Lord about for the last year and a half. It is amazing to think back to December 2004 when God first laid Austin on my heart. The circumstances around that time are ones that were difficult to bear, but as this was laid on my heart it seemed that it was a little light into God's plan. I wasn't sure why, or what or how any of it would happen, but it was amazing when I opened my hands and threw it up in the air, saying "GOD I need You, I need you to take this from me and do what You want with it. I am willing, I surrender my own plan, I surrender my life and my own will, so that You can come in and take the place that I have filled with self. So that You can come in and lead me and challenge me in ways that I can't even comprehend, that are so far from my knowledge that I can't help but let you take control."
It seems that I have entered into the sleepless nights. Tired filled days, busy weeks, fast weekends. My mind starts to race and my stomach turns as I think about how out of control I am of all of this. I want so badly to stop the time, slow it down, but I can't. I find myself in a "funk". I knew this time would come. I've been in the desert, the wasteland, the waiting period. The stretch of time when you feel like God is not moving, or doing ANYTHING. We all have those times. It happens after God does cool things, and right before He does cool things. What is interesting, that we seem to easily forget, is that this in between time... even though we can't see it or feel it, He is doing His cool God thing and preparing us, growing us, making us stronger for something coming up! That is cool!
My heart has been heavy and I feel like I could get an ulcer before this is all said and done!
There are just the minor things that still need to fall into place like...a place to live...a job! You know the minor things!
One thing I do know is that we are leaving in about 16 days and I haven't started packing yet. I think God is laughing at me. It seems that I want to try and control the things that I can't control, like slowing or stopping time. But yet, the things that I can have somewhat control over, like...packing...I don't seem to control. Interesting huh? What is wrong with me?!
I'm stressed, overwhelmed, emotional and starting to go a little crazy!
There are so many random things to do. Can it all be done? What needs to get done will get done. I have to remind myself to live a day at a time.
I really need to go to bed. The other day, I slept through my snooze alarm and didn't get up until 7:54am and I have to be to work at 8:00. NOT good. I called work and told them I was going to be late and I was in to work between 8:10-8:15!! I thought that was pretty good timing! I don't want to do that again!
Pray that I would get good sleep and that I would force myself to get to bed early and that I would be able to get up in the morning. Pray that I would get stuff done and that I would continue to trust that God has good plans for me and that He is in control of every part of that plan.
Is God still good, even when I'm in the desert, the wasteland, the waiting period...the funk? YES!!!!