{Weepiness & Craziness} welcome to my life

I was weepy yesterday. It sucks. Today is better...I think.
Sometimes my best writing comes from when I'm in these weepy states and sometimes not...so we'll see what comes out.
I'm all about being raw and real lately. So just throwing that out there as a disclaimer.
When God is moving and digging into places in your heart it hurts sometimes. Those places that are still very much alive with self will hurt when God gets after it, there is still life there, it will hurt. He wants those things to die so that He can take that spot and give life back. His life. There is no room for self.
As I reflect on yesterday, there were so many things going on around me and inside of me. It's hard and frustrating to understand why I have days like this. I should be happy, I should be joyful. I generally am that way...so why the tears? Why the sadness? Why this day?
The ups and downs. It's hard.
It makes me start questioning if I'm not trusting God enough, or praying enough, or reading His word enough.
God doesn't really work like that. He doesn't punish based on our efforts to try and DO. I have to remind myself of that.

Titus 3:4-7 "When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. Because of his grace he declared us righteous and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life."

God has shown me, through a couple of amazing men, how necessary these times are. These men struggled with depression, the ups and downs, the tears, the not so joyful days.

David (man after God's own heart)-
Psalm 40:1-2 "I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along."

My man Charles Spurgeon (one of the greatest preachers in the 19th century)-
"Fits of depression come over the most of us. Usually cheerful as we may be, we must at intervals be cast down. The strong are not always vigorous, the wise not always ready, the brave not always courageous, and the joyous not always happy. I note that some whom I greatly love and esteem, who are, in my judgment, among the very choicest of God's people, nevertheless, travel most of the way to heaven by night."
"Any simpleton can follow the narrow path in the light: faith's rare wisdom enables us to march on in the dark with infallible accuracy, since she places her hand in that of her Great Guide."

Joseph Hart (hymn writer)-
Come ye sinners poor and needy Weak and wounded, sick and sore Jesus ready stands to save you Full of pity, love and power I will arise and go to Jesus He will embrace me in His arms
In the arms of my dear Savior
Oh, there are ten thousand charms

Come ye thirsty, come and welcome
God's free bounty glorify
True belief and true repentance
Every grace that brings you nigh

Come ye wear, heavy laden
Lost and ruined by the fall
If you tarry till you're better
You will never come at all

View Him prostrate in the garden
On the ground your Maker lies
On the bloody tree behold Him
Sinner, will this not suffice?

God is and has always been faithful. I am the unfaithful one. I'm so thankful that His grace covers over and over and over again.
I'm seeing how He provides in abundance.
I have amazing friends around me who love me so deeply and who encourage me daily. They know how to make me smile and laugh. They know how to just let me cry. They know how and when to pray for me.
I'm so humbled.
The day was full of hugs from God through them.
I got to spend the evening with 4 amazing women who seriously bless my life like crazy. It was the perfect way to end the day.
We went to Charlotte's softball game and at this point Kate had not arrived so it was just Jen, Ro and I...
We were told that we needed to cheer more. So we did. We got real obnoxious and the three of us even did the wave. Several times.
Ro stole my shades and looked all fly...
And she even showed us her pole sliding skills...even though she was afraid of heights.And at the end of the night she ran up to Jen and did this...I almost peed my pants right there in the parking lot when I mentioned something about her booty and she looked at the pic and said...."That girl got donk! I'd be like 'ooo can I have her number?' You gotta send me that pic". I about died.
Ok. not sure how this post started out talking about weepiness and God's love and grace then ended with...well...this.
Welcome to my life. :)