I am continually stirred when God starts showing me the condition of my heart.
I am stirred to realness, to vulnerability, to be honest with myself, with others and most importantly and first with God.
I was sharing with a dear friend of mine the other day about how all around me are couples coming together and getting married.
I'm 28. I'm single. With NO one interested.
I am generally very ok with that. I have prayed for God to keep my heart and for Him to keep guys away until the right one comes along and in His timing. I am thankful that He has done that. I've also prayed that He would continue to heal my heart.
During this season of seeing friends come together in marriage, I have also let doubt in. (my friend was quick to say..."doubt is not from God."...OK!!!)
I see these guys who love so deeply and live sacrificially for their girls. I know they are not perfect and they will not be able to love and live perfectly and that Christ will be the only one to satisfy and to give them the ability to love and sacrifice.
I find myself doubting that I will be loved like that. That someone would actually love me and sacrifice for me and want only me.
Enter...the Holy Spirit.
Jesus.
His love is complete. His sacrifice is complete. His desire for me is complete.
This man...whoever he is...will fail me, will not love me and sacrifice for me the way that I yearn to be loved and sacrificed for and desired.
I'm so thankful for Jesus.
I know that He yearns to give me the desires of my heart. He wants to give me sweet gifts. I'm surrendering. Surrendering to His will not mine.
My friend shared this with me in an email:
"Ultimately, its surrender. A 'Thy will, not mine be done' Placing not only our hurts and wrongs in his hands, but also our hopes and our dreams in His hands. He is the God of all hope Romans 15:3 and He cares for us!! He is the perfect Father, who wants to give every good gift to us.I'm praying for this man, and he is worth waiting for! :)
I think when we dwell on His correction a bit too much that it slides over to just seeing Him as our disciplinarian, but we must never forget that He loves us with a love so amazing and unimaginable. He rejoices over us-His precious ones. So the truth is everytime our dream of "him" (the man of our dreams and the whole wedding thing) occurs what if you begin to pray for him and surrender it all back to God?
'God I give this dream to you and know that you can and will provide something so much better than what I can imagine and I just give it back to you. Please lead and guide "him" to your heart. Fill him up with you, Spirit, so that he can walk in a manner worthy of your calling."
As a wife, praying for your husband will be one of the chief things you will get to do to serve him in love. What if we started now!?"
5 comments:
I love you, I love you, I love you!
Love it, love it! Thank you for sharing your heart, Emily. I am SO right there with you. Girl, we have to have a nice long coffee date in a couple of months. We have tons we can chat about!
that's right em! i know i'm married and it's easy to say now- but i never dated, after i became a believer, until andy! we have seen too many marriages flop because people honestly just gave up- Love you sister. praying with you!
Try "48, single, and NO one interested" on for size.
And, I too, am generally ok with that. Except when I hear younger women good-naturedly complain about no being married.
To be honest, there is a very small part of my heart that has no sympathy for them. BUT, at the same time, I can more than identify with them.
Some of the practical downside of not having a husband with skin on is that there is no one to help around the house or take care of the "manly" stuff (empty trash, car maintenance, etc.). And, unless you have roomies, there is no one to vent to or share your day with.
The upside is that our hearts are all Jesus', and we have no one to answer to except Him.
8-17-2005 was the day, in my heart, that I knew I'd be fine if I never married. After that I realized not being married to an earthly husband is prime area for enemy attack. All that to say it's gonna be stinkin' hard to ever give my heart to anyone but Jesus. If I'm ever blessed with an earthly husband, I will always love Jesus more than him!
I appreciate your honesty, Emily. As a single until 30, I still remember many of those nights/weeks/etc. He will be worth the wait.
And just another bit of reality... even after you're married you still end up bringing in the groceries by yourself and taking out the trash. Bummer, but true. :)
- Stacia
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