I'm not sure what is going on...but sometimes it's God keeping me awake.
I just got done worshiping for about an hour.
It was good. Really good.
Lately I have felt a distance from God. But it seems that He is not willing to lose me and always brings me back to the place of being lost in Him.
I like to be in that place of being so in Him that He drowns me, overflows onto me, that anyone who tries to find me must go through Him to get to me.
I sat in my room tonight with the lights out and just my fishbowl of white Christmas lights shining. Asking God to meet me here. I know that He is already here, He is everywhere. But I wanted Him to do something, anything. To manifest Himself in this place, in my room, by myself with Him, tonight.
I grabbed my guitar and started singing this song from Enter the Worship Circle...
If I lift Your name up high
Will You draw me to Your side
I just can't make it one more night
Without Your kiss...
I wait still
Lord come and fill
This emptiness is more than I can stand
I lift my eyes, my voice to the skies
Return me to my first love
Once again
Lord I fall down on my knees
Only You can rescue me
I find that I am so in need
Won't You wrap me in Your presence
I wait still
Lord come and fill
This emptiness is more than I can stand
I lift my eyes, my voice to the skies
Return me to my first love,
Once again
I am thankful that He continues to meet me where I'm at.
Lord my cry to You tonight is that Your power and Your glory would fill every emptiness in me. I have gotten to the point of not really knowing what to pray but I just come to You. I confess my brokenness Lord that You have put in me for You. I confess that I have consumed... myself and that is all I see...me. I have looked elsewhere for satisfaction and have come up empty looking for what I know will satisfy and it's You. Fill me. I want to be consumed with You and only You. I fear so many things. I have a fear of continually falling, of completely letting go and not completely believing that You will be there to place me back on the rock that I know will hold me securely. I fear doing things for You that are out of my control and out of my comfort. Again...I get consumed with me. Lord give me new eyes, give me a new heart, give me a new mind that thinks only of You and Your glory, that sees Your children and what You are doing, that feels Your Spirit moving and Your love that is willing to die. Make me more like You. Somehow would You turn what I have and who I am into something beautiful for You. I surrender. I give up. I am done holding onto it all. I'm letting go. I'm letting You do what You want. Give me the strength to obey You and to follow You. Give me ears to hear You. I have been blind and deaf. But You have opened my eyes, I can see. You have unplugged my ears and I can hear. Lord may it be for Your glory only. I worship You. Lord my heart has not been just for you. My worship has not been only You. But I am thankful that You love me still, as I come back to You with stains and scars that have been opened up. Once again You wash me and You heal and bind up the wounds. You never lose your grip on me, but You allow it to get rough. You allow the bleeding and dirt, but You are quick to clean it up. Somehow I come back stronger and more in love with You because You love me enough to not lose me to the world.
I am Your daughter, Your bride, Your love.
Thank you, my Father, my Husband, my Love.
To YOU be all glory Jesus in YOUR name I lift up my soul.
AMEN.
9 comments:
You are lovely.
Thanks Laura! does that mean I take after a certain other lovely?!
TESTING TESTING 1-2-3- la la la
yes mom that one worked!!
Hey, it worked! What I was trying to comment was: you were brought up performing, it's part of your talent and abilities and passion, although I know that worshiping tops that, so I wonder if the 2 wrestle with each other at times. I also mentioned that I saw a big difference in you when you were here...there was more of others and less of you...Jesus shining through. I also said that although you did not attend a bible college, you just might be going through the School of the Holy Ghost!
And I said look out world, Emily is passing through in an amazing way. Something good and grand is coming your way soon. Just call me Cleo! NO, just kidding. God's doing a lot of prep work on you, makes me wonder what's it gonna be?! I pray for you daily. I love you.
Em - I think you are one of the most beautiful women I know. The way you struggle, the way you experience victory, the way you endure.
I see beauty in your appearance in the previous post, and deeper beauty in your heart in this post.
I love you. Even though distance has gotten the best of us these last few months. Love you!
PS - I'm copying the fishbowl/lights idea. Love it.
Emily, oh how your song ministered to me. I think we all, at times, feel as though we are where you are. I have been in that place a bit myself lately. The words to the song ministered to me tremendously. Your heart's desire for deep intimacy with the Lord spoke even more powerfully to me. The Holy Spirit is so alive in you. May all of us who read be drawn into Him by your powerfully hunger for intimacy with our Abba Father. I love your heart and complete abandon!
Carrie
very awesome indeed, thanks for the encouragement.
i love your fishbowl with lights - I want one now ;0
Hope the ballet was good.
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