Stand Complete

This is an excerpt from an email I wrote to a good friend of mine and thought that I would share it with you all too...

"So a week ago Sunday...

Previously, I had been wrestling with that feeling of defeat and failure. I kept thinking about how often I go through these times of doing really well, being disciplined in getting in the word and feeling really close to God and then I fall back and get out of reading the bible and feel far from God...then it happens all over again...I think I mentioned this to you before...but it's just this cycle that I get really frustrated with, this last time when I was "down", I just really felt like I didn't want to get up again because I feared failing once again, and I felt like I just couldn't handle it. So...anyway...I was feeling heavy weight, feeling frustrated, having fear, feeling like I failed. Really beating myself up about it.
Then came Sunday and church time.
Satan does this thing to me on Sunday when he beats me down even further and makes me feel like I don't even want to go to church. So I was dreading going. (I hadn't been since before I left for Iowa...which was probably a good 3 Sundays of not having been at Austin Stone).
Andy led us in the song The Stand from Hillsong United. I've sung this song over and over, it's always powerful but not like that night.

We started singing....
"You stood before creation
Eternity in Your hands
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand"

As I'm singing, God turns a light on. He says to me, "Before creation I was. Before the earth I was. Eternity I am. My power is enough to create and move things into place.You stand complete"
I could feel the welling in my soul...

Then we sang...
"You stood before my failure
You carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand"

By the end of this verse the tears were coming! God was saying and piercing my heart with, "I have stood before your failure and I've taken it. I took it on the cross and carried it for you. All of your sin, all of your load is on me, the weight of it all, is on my shoulders. Now stand complete."

Then I sang....
"What could I say
What could I do
But offer this heart Oh God
Completely to You"

Complete humility of not being able to do anything but just stand before Him completely for Him and complete by Him. Offering my heart saying, here it is God. Here it is, in all it's pieces. God whispering again "You stand complete"

Then we sang...
"I walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand"

There was a sweet renewal as my heart was ripped open and I allowed myself to break, and as I did the Spirit moved in His power to fill me up and I couldn't help but smile and be filled with a joy that I hadn't felt in awhile. God was saying "This is it! This is walking in the joy of your salvation. My Spirit in you, you in Me. Remember this promise, declare it, stand on it, complete."

Then we sang this...
"I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I'll stand my soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours"

With my arms held high in the air (I'm getting tears as I think about it:)) There was this release, a sweet surrender as my heart and my soul let go of my failures, my fears, my plans, my desires, giving it all to Him, knowing that He gave it all for me. I heard Him say to me the words that I love to hear Him say, "You are mine".

My arms couldn't reach any higher, I just wanted more of Him. It was so amazing. My face was wet with tears and a smile was on my face, I didn't want to stop...I could have kept going!

Then it was funny because the transition from that song into Matt's preaching was very quick, so the song got done and the lights came up and Matt started. I was still wiping my face and trying to regain my composure, probably looking all blotchy and a mess! Whatever!"