Saturday, August 07, 2010

Funky Town

To be completely honest. I'm struggling. Once again I have found myself in a funk. I feel like this is a familiar place to me. I get here often and I get real frustrated about that.
I start to close myself off and I can't stop sleeping, I kind of just want to give up and I don't care...anyone know what I'm talking about?!
I have a feeling I'm not alone in this.
I cry a lot. I don't really want to be around people I don't know...even hard to be around people I do know. I'm tired.
But this is what I know. Jesus hasn't changed. My emotions and everything in me changes but HE hasn't changed.
He never, not even once, looks at me and says, " crazy. I'm out."
I'm so thankful for that. SO thankful.
I think about how this week has been up and down and how on numerous occasions I've wanted to turn my back and just walk (more like run) as fast away as I can. But He stops me and somehow lovingly reels me back in.
I will walk forward...continue taking steps...even if it looks like rolling out of bed and lying on the floor for a little bit...I will continue to worship Him.
I will stand and lead in the state that I'm in because He takes me as I am and He still is to be worshiped. In my weakness HE is strong. There is nothing in me that can do this. But HE can.
I just happened to listen to this song this morning by Kari Jobe, it's called My Beloved.
It pretty much wrecked me out and I can't stop listening to it...then I decided that I needed to learn how to play it.
Then I decided to record it for y'all to hear it.
Disclaimer: I'm a mess & it's rough.
I can hear God singing this to me over and over and over and over...
Here are the lyrics:

You're My beloved your My bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me My love

Under My mercy come and wait
Till we are standing face to face
I see no stain on you My child

You're beautiful to Me
So beautiful to Me

I sing over you My song of peace
Cast all your cares down at My feet
Come and find your rest in Me

I breathe My life inside of you
I'll bear you up on eagle's wings
And hide you in the shadow of My strength
I'll take you to My quiet waters
I'll restore your soul
Come rest in me and be made whole

You're My beloved your My bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me My love


Anna said...

You are not alone in this at all. I've also been in a funk that seems never ending--the song that has been huge for me in this season is Desert Song by Hillsong. Much love to you, Emily. Beautiful song sung by a beautiful woman.

Laura said...

You are beautiful.....thanks a lot, now I miss you.

Yes, I know where you are with the depression thing. Yes, I know you will come out stronger than ever.

Jill said...

Oh Em, you ARE beautiful. Love you much.

jamie said...

love kari jobe- and more i love you! thanks em that was a blessing! you look great too :) love your short hair, always :)

Andrea said...

I LOVE that song! God has used it to minister to me many, many times this past year. Now after hearing your version, I pretty much love it even more. Thank you for sharing, Emily. Keep pressing on, girl.

Kelli B said...

I wish I had a cd of you singing. I love your singing Emily!

This is a beautiful post. Love to you from me in Iowa!

Andrea G. said...

I just got done listening to you sing three times. You are gifted and a joy! I am praying for your funk.

Honestly, I don't understand all you are talking about, but I sometimes see it in my husband. I am thankful to know he is not alone and your expression of your feelings helps me better understand what it is like when he goes through those times.

HoB said...

For being in a funk, you sure know how to climb into Jesus' lap. I certainly know how you feel and am somewhat going through the same. I keep thinking about what spiritual warfare is today and how in America, Satan attacks our emotions and wants to paralyze us so we will be powerless. Thinking of that gives me a little burst of truth which helps me to hold onto Him more tightly. Maybe it'll give you a burst...
I love you friend and miss you deeply.

Anonymous said...

I've been in a funk for about a week. It's been a HARD one. Things i've never gone through before, even though I've struggled many times with depression. Thank you for your honesty - it's inspirational, and your song (i mean the song your life sings, not just this rendition) - it's beautiful.