Flaws & Fat. Just Bein' Real.

So I'm gonna be real honest here.
I've been battling something today. It's something that I battle with OFTEN. Too often. I've seen the ways that Lord has released freedom in my life regarding this and I've also seen the ways satan grabs hold of it and shakes things up.

Today seems to be a day when satan is shaking things up.

BUT I'm reminded today by a good friend of mine, she texted me this:
"Oh how satan loves to try to rob us of our joy and praise around this time of year! But thanks be to God who has overcome and all glory and praise is due to him!!"

It happens stronger when I'm about to go home to Iowa, when I haven't been back in awhile. The last time I was back was last January.
Since January, I have probably gained 20-30lbs...I don't even know for sure cause I've forced myself to stop getting on the scale. I just know that it's a lot.
I've had a lot of weird health things going on and I stopped exercising. And to be honest...I love food. It has just gotten a little out of control.
Anyway...I battle with the way I look. I battle with every time I look in the mirror I see flaws and fat. I battle with coming home and not having been home in awhile, seeing people I haven't seen in awhile...wondering if they will think I'm fat.
It's silly.
I know.
But it's a battle. I struggle.

Last night I had a photo shoot with a friend who needed a model for her class. As I drove there I kept praying, "Lord, give me Your eyes to see me as You see me." I had some sweet friends pray for me too. The night was fun and didn't think about it...much.
My friend emailed me some of the pictures today, and I've been battling all day. She did an amazing job...but when I look at them I see flaws and fat.
WHY!? Why do I do this to myself? I've been asking the Lord today to change my heart and to change my eyes.

I'm choosing to claim the promises that God says. I'm choosing to believe them until the Lord changes my heart, and He will. He will mold me and remold me until my heart is like His. That's a big process.

My sweet friend that texted me earlier also sent me this from "31 Days of Praise" by Ruth Myers. I will read it over and over and over and over:

I give thanks to You, O Lord, and I stand in awe of You, for I am wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works! Thank You that You uniquely designed and created me, with the same care and precision You used in creating the universe...that You formed me in love exactly to Your specifications...that You embroidered me with great skill in my mother's womb.
I'm grateful that my looks, abilities, and my personality are like a special picture frame in which You can portray Your grace and beauty, Your love, Your strength, Your faithfulness, to the praise of Your glory. I rejoice that You have gifted me for the special purpose You have in mind for my life.
It's wonderful to know that you are not the least bit dissatisfied with my inborn talents, intelligence, aptitudes, appearance, and personality, for Your hands have made and fashioned me. I am one of Your original masterpieces! I praise You that You are greater than all my failures...that as my Potter, You are able to mold and remold me, as I submit to Your wisdom and skill...that as the Master Artist You are able to take away my sin and through Christ make me a new creation in Christ Jesus to the praise of Your glorious grace.
I worship and bow down; I kneel before You, my Maker.

So I write all of this, just to be real. I struggle. I deal with junk. This is just a small part of the junk. There are MANY women and men who struggle with this. Just thought I would share my part of the battle.
God has won the victory, I have to daily surrender and ask Him to take control. I have no control over this...as much as I try and try. I have NO control. But He does. I have to release it to Him.
That's Recovery people!
So that's me today. Being raw and real.