francygirl

New Website

2010-09-30T11:29:00.000-05:00

Hello friends!
I have a new website/blog for your enjoyment! Please update your links/rss feeds/google readers etc.

www.emilywardmusic.blogspot.com

Explore a bit and learn more about me, listen to some great music by my friends and read about my ministry at the Austin Stone Community Church.
My prayer for this website is that you are blessed and that it can be a resource of encouragement to you. Would love any feedback from you and would love for you to share this with those who will be blessed by what God is doing through me and my ministry. So thankful for all of your support.
You are loved!

This is My Life

2010-08-12T20:07:00.004-05:00

Why do I blog?
Why do I say the things I say?
Why do I share the things I share?
God has given me a voice. A heart to be real and raw.
I'm not ok. You are not ok. And we need to be ok with that.
So will I share what I'm struggling with? yes, with boundaries.
Will I share what I'm sad about? yes, with boundaries.
Will I share what I'm rejoicing about? yes, with boundaries.
Will I share the hope that I have found in this? yes, with no boundaries.
I love writing and I feel like it's a way for me to express myself and for me to process sometimes. If by doing so, one person is blessed, it's worth it. To know you are not walking alone and someone else goes through the same struggles...there is a part of freedom that happens.
I feel like God has called me to this place.
Read this blog if you want.
Don't read if it's too much for you.
This is me and this is my life.

Read Some Books

2010-08-12T15:50:00.003-05:00

I am NOT a reader...but I love books. I have so many books it's ridiculous considering I probably have only read a few of them in their entirety.
Anyway, I'm on a book kick again and here are some books that you should check out:

A Praying Life by Paul E. Miller
Forgotten God by Francis Chan
You Can Change by Tim Chester
In the Name of Jesus by Henri Nouwen
Future Grace by John Piper

My Insides Go Crazy

2010-08-12T00:30:00.003-05:00

I love music. I love dancing. I love singing.
I love that you can feel something through these things that you would never be able to experience apart from what you can feel and experience through music, or dance, or singing. Does that make sense?
A story is told through a dance...watching this with the music that is put to it...allows you to experience this feeling at a whole new depth than if someone were to just tell you the story.
Maybe that is the artist in me.
Take a look at this video from one of my favorite shows "So You Think You Can Dance". This choreography is brilliant and I feel like it captures what I am trying to say. I watch this and every part of my insides just go crazy. There is just something so amazing and beautiful when you can convey something so powerful through music and through dance. (maybe I'm supposed to be a dancer, deep down inside me somewhere...I'm pretty sure of it.)
Watch the video here

Funky Town part 2

2010-08-09T23:38:00.005-05:00

God is funny.
I mean seriously...He makes me smile when He works in ways I don't get.
If y'all read my last post, you know that I have been living in Funky Town for awhile. I'm still visiting...but with different eyes.
I wrote that post on Saturday and I knew that when Sunday came...I would be standing in front of thousands, leading worship. To be completely honest I thought to myself...how in the world am I going to stand up there and lead? I don't even want to get out of bed!
God in His graciousness reminded me to come as I am. Broken. Needy. A mess. Completely helpless. He grabbed my heart and led me to a place on Saturday where I just let go. I surrendered and gave up. Seeing that He still deserves to be worshiped no matter what state I'm in. He meets me where I'm at, He wants me where I'm at, He just wants me...funk and all.
Sunday came and I walked up on that stage praying this as we led worship:

God this is You.
This is not me.
I have nothing to give.
You said to come as I am.
Here I am.
Thank You. Thank You for calling me to this, for calling me in the middle of my heart being a mess, for calling me to come to You and worship You...

...O sovereign God, O matchless King
the saints adore, the angels sing...
And fall before the throne of grace
To you belongs all highest praise...
These sufferings, this passing tide
under your wings I will abide...
And every enemy shall flee
You are my hope and victory...
To the valley for my soul
Thy great descent has made me whole...
Your word my heart has welcomed home
And peace like water ever flows...

Thank you for Your peace.
Thank You for giving me hope and victory.
I praise you Father, praise the Son, praise the Spirit three in one.

....Let mercy fall on me....
Everyone needs forgiveness the kindness of a Savior...
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Come fill my life again...
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in...
Now I surrender....
....Shine Your light and let the whole world see...
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...

Lord I come to you as I am.
Use me and fill me up so that it is ALL YOU.
I lift my hands in surrender to You.
All my fears.
All my failures.
All of me...take me.
May I shine for You, may these people shine for You Jesus.
Open their hearts and let them shine for Your glory.

...We were once your enemy...
now displayers of your mercy
Called from darkness into light...
...for the hopeless and the weary
For the broken and the needy...
For Your glory, send Your Spirit and let it rise...

God You have called me out of darkness...
given me hope in the light...
to shine for You in the hopeless, weary and broken places...
it's for YOUR glory.

...arrested by your truth and righteousness
Your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness...
convicted by your spirit led by your word...
Your love will never fail
Your love will never fail...
...You loved a people underserving...

I'm covered by Your righteousness and Your grace.
Your love will never leave me.
Your love will never fail me.
I am undeserving...but You loved and You gave.
Thank You.
Thank You.
Thank You.
Thank You.

...filled with wonder, awestruck wonder
At the mention of Your name....

I'm in awe of You Jesus.
In awe.

...I know that You're alive
You came to fix my broken life...
And I'll sing to glorify Your holy name...
Jesus Christ...
...You changed it all You broke down the wall when I spoke and confessed
In You I am blessed now I walk in the light, the victorious sight of You...

The light of You, is the light in me.
This is You.
Not me.
Thank You for picking up my pieces and putting them back together again.
You fix and You heal.
I sing and glorify YOU.
Thank You for singing through me.
You give more than I deserve.
Thank You.

Jeff Mangum gave the message and you should listen to it. It was VERY fitting. By the end of the day I had a smile on my face despite the fact that it was 105 degrees outside and the air conditioning all day wasn't working... I was a hot stinky mess.
I had a smile on my face because God allowed the week that I had. He walked me through a valley that needed to be walked through in order to experience Him the way I did on Sunday. He filled me up and I walked away that night with a confidence in Him. All day long, each service I felt these songs and these prayers being moved by the Spirit. It was so intense. I'm thankful. So thankful.
What I'm not saying is that the funk is miraculously over. It's not. I wish...but it's not. It seems as though I have different eyes in the funk. There are greater purposes here. I'm believing in that.

Songs:
Praise the Father, Praise the Son by Chris Tomlin
Mighty to Save by Hillsong
Rise & Shine by Andy Melvin
To Know Your Name by Hillsong
Revelation Song by Kari Jobe
Fire Fall Down by Hillsong

Funky Town

2010-08-07T13:42:00.005-05:00

To be completely honest. I'm struggling. Once again I have found myself in a funk. I feel like this is a familiar place to me. I get here often and I get real frustrated about that.
I start to close myself off and I can't stop sleeping, I kind of just want to give up and I don't care...anyone know what I'm talking about?!
I have a feeling I'm not alone in this.
I cry a lot. I don't really want to be around people I don't know...even hard to be around people I do know. I'm tired.
But this is what I know. Jesus hasn't changed. My emotions and everything in me changes but HE hasn't changed.
He never, not even once, looks at me and says, "girl...you crazy. I'm out."
I'm so thankful for that. SO thankful.
I think about how this week has been up and down and how on numerous occasions I've wanted to turn my back and just walk (more like run) as fast away as I can. But He stops me and somehow lovingly reels me back in.
I will walk forward...continue taking steps...even if it looks like rolling out of bed and lying on the floor for a little bit...I will continue to worship Him.
I will stand and lead in the state that I'm in because He takes me as I am and He still is to be worshiped. In my weakness HE is strong. There is nothing in me that can do this. But HE can.
I just happened to listen to this song this morning by Kari Jobe, it's called My Beloved.
It pretty much wrecked me out and I can't stop listening to it...then I decided that I needed to learn how to play it.
Then I decided to record it for y'all to hear it.
Disclaimer: I'm a mess & it's rough.
I can hear God singing this to me over and over and over and over...
Here are the lyrics:

You're My beloved your My bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me My love

Under My mercy come and wait
Till we are standing face to face
I see no stain on you My child

You're beautiful to Me
So beautiful to Me

I sing over you My song of peace
Cast all your cares down at My feet
Come and find your rest in Me

I breathe My life inside of you
I'll bear you up on eagle's wings
And hide you in the shadow of My strength
I'll take you to My quiet waters
I'll restore your soul
Come rest in me and be made whole

You're My beloved your My bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me My love

THE Texas Roadhouse Song

2010-08-05T21:04:00.005-05:00

I need to post this video...many of you requested it a LONG time ago...and now it's finally here.
When I went back home to Iowa to visit my family there was a certain incident in the car ride. My mom and my sisters had an art show in Minneapolis and so my bro-in-law Joe drove us.
All adults...no kids...equals crazy.
I feel slightly sorry for Joe having to deal with us girls. But whatevs. He likes it deep down inside.
When my mom and sisters and I get together things get silly.
This particular incident happened after our fabulous meal at Texas Roadhouse. (I LOVE BUNS)
This may not be funny at all, so sorry if you find it ridiculous.
My mom also would like everyone to know that she in fact did NOT pee her pants...it was just close. (yeah right) Enjoy!

Oh My...It's Been WAY Too Long

2010-08-05T20:06:00.003-05:00

Oh my.
I am a SLACKER!!! I can't believe how long it has been since I have blogged.
This could mean several things....
That I'm entirely WAY too busy...or
That I'm entirely WAY too lazy...
or both. :)
Probably a little of both.
I have probably lost most of my readers...but I'm going to turn this back around. I'm going to start fresh.
I think about all that has happened since May 3 (that was my last post...WOW!) and I get a little overwhelmed thinking about updating you all on EVERYTHING!
I'm going to try and be better at this. I'll try and fill you in little by little on all the craziness and get back to sharing life with y'all.
I'll leave you with two (out of six) of my precious little ones. I miss them all. I need them. Now.Can you even handle this?! Ok. Max dimples I can't even handle. Lily princess, oh my heart.

Thanks all you loyal readers for hanging in with me...if you still read this give a shout out to let me know you are still there...and that I should keep this going!

10 Days & the Spoiling Starts

2010-05-03T22:26:00.006-05:00

According to my personalized google desktop countdown I have 10 days until I get to see & kiss these faces...

MAX:

SAM:WILL:

NOAH:

LILY MARGARET:

JACKSON:

I LOVE LOVE LOVE being an aunt. They will get hugs and kisses and I will spoil them. (you too Jack!) It will happen...and their parents will have to deal with it. 2 weeks of spoiling. :)

Arms Open Wide

2010-04-30T23:07:00.002-05:00

I have been listening to this song over and over.
I went to the Hillsong United concert last weekend and they played this song. It was my first time hearing it and I was moved to surrender. I LOVE it!
Here are the lyrics:

Take my life I lay it down
At the cross where I am found
All I have I give to You oh God

Take my hands and make them clean
Keep my heart in purity
That I may walk in all You have for me

Oh here I stand
Arms open wide
Oh I am Yours
And You are mine

Take my moments and my days
Let each breath that I take
Be ever only for You oh God

My whole life is Yours
I give it all
Surrendered to Your name
And forever I will pray
Have Your way
Have Your way

Internship

2010-04-30T10:33:00.005-05:00

I've been eager to write this and share with the blog world for awhile now...it has been in the works and it's getting more and more official!

I have accepted a full time internship at my church (The Austin Stone Community Church) and I am extremely excited about this. Excited and scared all at the same time.
It has all happened so quick and is something that I have felt the Lord's hand on, undoubtedly. When I think of this opportunity, I am amazed that it is happening. I get to do music. I get to do ministry. I get to love on people. I get to be creative. This will be my job. WHAT?!?!?!

For the last 9 years of my life I have done office work. I go to work at 8, I sit at a desk and answer phones, make copies, three hole punch papers and I leave at 5. It starts all over again the next day.
God has done AMAZING things in those 9 years. He has stretched and challenged me in so many ways. I have not arrived at any of it...but I'm thankful for those years of pushing through and butting heads with what I don't feel I'm created to do well. I am NOT good at organization and administration! (funny right?!) But it hasn't stopped God from doing amazing things over the years.

I'm thankful that God opened the door to be able to sing and lead worship at the Stone. God's hand was all over that opportunity and it was nothing that I did. It was completely HIM. I have been humbled, stretched, affirmed & challenged in these last two years. I can only imagine what He is about to do this next year.
To be completely honest it scares me.
I'm leaving a lot of comfort zones.
My job, my financial security, a mundane structure & knowing what each day will look like (to a degree), the "normal".

The day that I gave my life to Jesus, on April 7, 1997 at a Steven Curtis Chapman concert, I prayed that God would give me a story. That He would use me how He wanted to use me and that He would give me a story that was all about HIM. Knowing that He had it already planned out, I was confident that what He wanted to do in my life was bring Him much glory.
He is faithful and He answers prayers. Prayers that are prayed BIG and BOLDLY and in HIS name. He has taken me through a lot. He answers in ways that I would not expect, but He knows best and I'm thankful.

This next step for me is part of this story. I'm humbled that He has chosen me, that He has called me and that He has opened this door and said, "Follow Me". I have NO clue what is through those doors, but I'm starting to get a taste and it's GOOD and it's HARD.
My mom wrote this in a note she sent me and it said simply, "Hard is good."
Ok. yeah. Help my unbelief God!
1 Thessalonians 5:24 "The One who has called you is faithful and He will do it."
I'm trusting Him, some days better than others. But He is asking me daily, "Do you trust me?"

One thing that I am trusting Him with is fundraising.
I have to raise support financially to be able to work full time for a year.
I found out last week that I have to have 80% of my funds in before I can start the internship.
That is a whole lot of money in not a lot of time.
My last day of work is May 14.
My orientation is June 2nd.
Deep...breath...
I have a ways to go.
God can do this. It may mean that I don't start exactly when I had planned to start. Our plans are quite different than His plans sometimes.
Job 10:5 (Job to God) "Unlike us, You are not working against a deadline, You have all eternity to work things out."

It's crazy. Last week was a horrible week. I spent a lot of time in tears and in doubt. BUT God at the same time had His hand on me and I could feel a calm and a peace. I was still a mess...but there was a peace.
This week has been so much better...I have my moments. But God is revealing more of my heart and more of His heart. I so badly want to beat the same.
I have seriously been going non-stop for the last two weeks and I don't see an end until next week sometime. I'm exhausted. But full.

So that is my life lately. Just thought I would fill you in on the craziness...for those who even read this thing!

Things that Make Me Smile

2010-04-14T14:05:00.006-05:00

Walking with Whitney:

**Whit came with me to Breakaway & we walked around the George Bush Library**

Pretty Flowers:**Our walk was beautiful!**

Bridges:

**Reminds me of God's faithfulness**

BedHead:

**Not sure how my hair does this in the mornings.**

the Scorcher:

**random carnie rides w Ginger**

Giving the Thumbs Up:**the scorcher definitely deserved a thumbs up.**

Frightened/Excited/What are we doing...we're old faces:**Our response to the Scorcher**

My Quiet Time Place:**peaceful, solitude, Jesus**

Chocolate:**My nephew Max up on the counter getting chocolate from on top of the fridge. STINKER!**

Beat Boxing:

**My Goal in life is to learn how to beat box.**

Well...I Made The News

2010-04-08T08:29:00.002-05:00

Well. I made the news. I'm not proud.
Here's the video. My car makes it's appearance around 1:53

Two More Things about Getting Pulled Over

2010-04-07T15:26:00.003-05:00

I would like to add to my previous post 2 things...

1. when I realized that I was getting pulled over I panicked and said, "mom...i'm gonna let you go I'm getting pulled over" and then just hung up on her.
I should probably call her back.

2. When the motorcycle cop came up to my window I remembered thinking about how huge his helmet was & how ridiculous it looked. Then visions of "Grandma Cop" came in my mind. For those of you who are not familiar with "Grandma Cop" let me fill you in...there was a certain incident with my mom and a toy motorcycle helmet. Let me just show you a little video...

Thank you.

So...I just Got Pulled Over

2010-04-07T15:03:00.004-05:00

So this really happened.
I just got pulled over for talking to my mama on the phone in a school zone. During the prime time of everyone picking up their kids from school. And to top it all off...there was a whole news crew there documenting the entire thing. Not gonna lie...there were some words that came out of my mouth that probably made all the kids around me cry.
When the cop went back to his motorcycle to write down all of my information...the news team, camera included, ran across the street towards me...are you kidding me?!....no.
This was our conversation:

News Lady: "I realize that this isn't the most opportune time..."
Me: "I don't want to be on the news."
News Lady: "...but can we ask you a few questions."
Me: "I don't want to be on the news."
News Lady: "Are you sure? We just..."
Me: "I don't want to be on the news."
News Lady: "...want to ask you if you knew about the law."
Me: "I don't want to be on the news."

Then they left and then the cop came back and gave me a ticket for talking on my cell phone and two warnings...one for a brake light out and one for still have my old address on my license.

Can this day be over?

Let Hope Rise

2010-04-06T12:15:00.001-05:00

What a beautiful Easter Sunday! I can't even begin to describe how powerful and good God is.
My day started out leading worship in the PAC (performing arts center). We usually have a PAC service during our 11:15 since that is our most crowded service. We have a live band, and a video feed of the message. Since it was Easter, we did the PAC for both of our morning services. And cause things get crazy.
I had the privilege to lead with Mr. Todd Agnew and the guys from Andy Melvin's band. SO fun!
Then I came back in the evening to lead with the Aaron Ivey band and the choir for the last two services. Oh.my.Word. Amazing. It was seriously a party. When the choir joins us...it's just a whole new level.
The thing is...when you strip away all of that...the bands...the choir...the preacher...you still have Amazingness. You still have Power. You still have Jesus. A man who lived a perfect life & who loved perfectly, who took on my sin and the mess of the entire world so that we didn't have to take the punishment that we so deserved, so that we could have a relationship with Him and so that we could spend eternity with Him. One day I will rise to be with Christ. I will rise because He has risen.
This prayer was read during the service from Valley of Vision:

My Father,
Enlarge my heart, warm my affections, open my lips,
supply words that proclaim "Love lustres at Calvary'.
There grace removes my burdens and heaps them on thy Son,
made a transgressor, a curse, and sin for me;
There the sword of thy justice smote the man, thy fellow;
There thy infinite attributes were magnified, and infinite atonement was made;
There infinite punishment was endured.
Christ was all anguish that I might be all joy,
cast off that I might be brought in,
trodden down as an enemy
that I might be welcomed as a friend,
surrendered to hell's worst
that I might attain heaven's best,
stripped that I might be clothed,
wounded that I might be healed,
athirst that I might drink,
tormented that I might be comforted,
made a shame that I might inherit glory,
entered darkness that I might have eternal light.
My Savior wept that all tears might be wiped from my eyes,
groaned that I might have endless song,
endured all pain that I might have unfading health,
bore a thorned crown that I might have a glory-diadem,
bowed his head that I might uplift mine,
experienced reproach that I might receive welcome,
closed his eyes in death that I might gaze on unclouded brightness,
expired that I might for ever live.

BEAUTIFUL JESUS.
Here is an amazing video that was also played at the end of the message. We then went into the song "with everything". LET HOPE RISE!!

Let Hope Rise from The Austin Stone on Vimeo.

Things that Make Me Smile

2010-03-31T11:50:00.004-05:00

Picture notes:

*my friend Ro sent this to me one day.*

Singing, making music and worshiping my Creator:

*Andy Melvin Band*

The loveliness of a flower in my margarita:

*Vivo's TexMex has AMAZING margaritas. Cool Vibe.*

Dance Parties:

*My sweet love, Lily Margaret is taking a dance class and she calls them her "dance party"*

Purple Flowers:

*my walk to the post office for work*

The smell of old books:

*my 1970's version of Valley of Vision*

Rug Rats:

*My nephew Max & my sister Jill. CLASSIC*

Fullness

2010-03-31T11:39:00.005-05:00

'Fullness' from Valley of Vision:

Heavenly Father,
Thou hast revealed to me myself as a mass of sin,
and Thyself as the fullness of goodness,
with strength enough to succour me,
wisdom enough to guide me,
mercy enough to quicken me,
love enough to satisfy me.
Thou hast shown me that because thou art mine
I can live by thy life,
be strong in thy strength,
be guided by thy wisdom;
and so i can pitch my thoughts and heart in thee.
This is the exchange of wonderful love -
for me to have thee for myself,
and for thee to have me, and to give me thyself.
There is in thee all fullness of the good I need,
and the fullness of all grace to draw me to thyself,
who else could never have come.
But having come, I must cleave to thee,
be knit to thee,
always seek thee.
There is none all good as thou art:
With thee I can live without other things,
for thou art God all-sufficient,
and the glory, peace, rest, joy of the world
is a creaturely, perishing thing in comparison to thee.
Help me to know that he who hopes for nothing but thee,
and for all things only for thee, hopes truly,
and that I must place all my happiness in holiness,
if I hope to be filled with all grace.
Convince me that I can have no peace at death,
nor hope that I should go to Christ,
unless I intend to do his will
and have his fullness while I live.

Things that Make Me Smile

2010-03-24T09:17:00.006-05:00

Freckles:

**My nephew Noah**

Jimmy Johns for lunch:

**My friend Whitney brought me lunch today**

Messy Cheetos lips:

**My nephew Max**

Listening to live music:

**with my sweet Ani**

African Dancing:

**precious Ugandan children that I want to keep forever**

Picnics on the trampoline:

**with my sweet Staci**

Rockstars in training:

**Deacon Ivey...the son of Rockstar Aaron Ivey**

Amy's Ice Cream & Jesus Convos:

**with my sweet Faith**

A Good Kick in the Pants.

2010-03-17T10:46:00.004-05:00

So I have this friend. She is amazing.
She gets me.
We break out into a crazy dance when we see each other & get weird looks from people, but it doesn't matter.
She has great fashion. She is absolutely adorable. She loves Jesus with a strong passion. She loves people well. She loves to snuggle. She has a great TX accent. She loves discipleship. She loves food and beer.
She asks me how my heart is and sometimes I don't want to answer. But I do. Then she speaks amazing truth into my life.
Over the last several months we have gotten close. Like, talk everyday...hold each other accountable, ask tough questions kind of close. Like...this is how to live life close.
I'm not quite sure how it happened. I feel humbled and blessed.
Today's convo had something to do with me spilling to her about how I was struggling with my insecurity last night. (this isn't an uncommon thing with me)
I found myself comparing myself to other musicians, wishing that I had songs like that...or sounded like that... feeling prideful, jealous and feeling like I wanted to give up, that I wasn't good enough, that I could never do what I see other people doing.
LIES! insecurity, pride, sin and LIES.
It was ugly people.
This was Ani's response:

"it's hard to not compare. but you can't let yourself go there. for one, you do what you do because god gave you your voice and writing abilities, and two, you sing and write for him and his glory. ems. (she calls me ems and I love it) you are unbelievably talented. but what makes you special is your heart for the lord behind that "raspy" voice of yours. every time you start to think that she is better, or they like her better, or i wish that i had written that, or that my words were like his/hers...you have to stop your thoughts and choose to believe that all that you have is for him and when we try to make it ours we diminish the glory that he could be getting out of it.
pray that the Lord will show you how to see yourself the way HE sees you.
pray that you won't be moved by the praise or rejection of man.
pray that your heart will be content in him alone.
pray that you will rejoice in other's talents, and not compare.
pray that you will be inspired by other artists and musicians, but not made insecure by them.
pray that your security will be found in the fact that your identity is soley in christ. you are not validated by your voice, your talent, your platform, your guitar, your anything.
you are validated because you are a child of the most high god."

uh. who is this?
miss annie hanks being used by my sweet faithful God. Words of truth spoken.
SO thankful. God knew what I need to hear. He is good.
I'm also reading this today
1 Peter 2:9 "But you are the ones chosen by God chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God's instruments to do his work & speak out for Him to tell others of the night & day difference he made for you, from nothing to something from rejected to accepted."
So good.
Thankful for friends who remind me of truth and who love me to ask hard questions and not be afraid to speak out.
You know I love a little sass too...she's got some sassiness...Love you sweet Ani!

"the Pipes & Pints Brotherhood"

2010-03-16T12:30:00.004-05:00

So I have these friends. They are some of the most Godly men I know. They have taught me so much about true character and living out the gospel. I'm SO thankful for them.
They have this thing they like to do called "The Brotherhood" or "Pipes & Pints". It's basically an open ended invitation to any guy who wants to come hang out with a bunch of guys, talk life, talk theology, have some brewskis and smoke pipes. Not gonna lie...I'm a little jealous & sad that girls aren't allowed. I would be right there alongside them with my pipe. (ok...I don't actually have a pipe...but I really want one!)
I may just start my own "Sisterhood".
Anyway...the point of this post.
I came across this OLD picture of my dad and I'm pretty sure he would fit right in with these guys.Love it. Can you imagine?
My dad went to be with Jesus in 1997.
I miss him.
I daydream about him still being here...coming to visit...smoking pipes with my friends, talking photography, art, Jesus.
I miss him.

I Don't Want My Children To Be Happy

2010-03-16T08:46:00.003-05:00

I read this amazing post this morning.
READ IT!
A parent writes a letter to their kids explaining why they won't be paying for their college...they are adopting. so good.

I Found My New Best Friend

2010-03-01T23:24:00.002-06:00

What in the world is happening?!?!
My friend Angie popped up on facebook chat and said "you will appreciate this" and posted the link to this video.
I almost peed my pants. I appreciate this on so many levels. When he started hittin the high note I about lost all business.
Just sayin'...he would win at the laughing game and I sometimes sing like this for fun. I'm pretty sure he and I would be good friends.

It's Raining Men

2010-02-15T22:13:00.002-06:00

Just thought I would share this little gem that my sister just posted on my facebook wall:

"quick story: Noah threw a coat at me and I said, "It's raining coats." Which of course led us to sing the song "It's Raining Men (Hallelujah!)." Which led to Jackson commenting that that was a ridiculous song. Which led to Jill saying, "It needs to rain men in Austin." Which led to Noah saying, "It sure would make it easier for Emily to pick one out."

Thank you.

Noah - my 8 year old nephew
Jackson - my 13 year old nephew
Jill - my 35 year old sister

Verge

2010-02-15T20:27:00.006-06:00

Verge Conference. unbelievable. I still think about that weekend and am in awe of what went down. God and His power. God and His glory. SO amazing. I'm still humbled that God allowed me to be a part of leading these people in worship. It was an unbelievable time. To look out and see thousands of people with their hands in the air worshiping the same God. The one and only God.
The session that sticks out in my heart was Francis Chan's message on suffering. Oh my word. Powerful. We got up after the message and sang It Is Well...then How Great thou Art....everyone was done. The room was full of the Spirit and it was so strong. Matt came up and basically said, "I have no idea what to do now...I don't want to just dismiss you to your workshops...if you want to stay...stay." He said that he had never gotten up on stage having absolutely no idea what to do! God knew. He wasn't done yet. All of a sudden people started shouting out names of God, verses, characteristics of God...people from all over the room shouting out at different times. I was in tears. Jimmy was on his face. The choir was clapping and crying. People were worshiping in a way that was unbelievable. God is SO good! For a good 10 minutes this went on...then a guy started reading scripture about God and His name that is above all other names and how His glory goes out we started cheering and clapping...Aaron then sat down and we led The Name...it.was.amazing. I couldn't even sing cause I couldn't stop crying!!
I've never felt the Spirit that strong and the overwhelming feeling of God's love and His power. After that session we went down to the green room and it was completely silent. We all just looked at each other with this look of..."what in the world just happened?" Matt came down and was like "What in the world was that!?" GOD! There was a comment made that was so right "Most conferences go long because the speakers can't stop speaking...but @ Verge it goes long cause the worshipers can't stop worshiping!" YEAH!!!
GOD!
So amazing.
Another powerful time during the conference was when Aaron and the guys got to talk about adoption and Haiti. They have a house tour that they do where they go into homes and put on a concert where they tell stories of adoption and raise awareness and talk about Haiti. It is SO powerful! These guys are amazing and I'm so thankful that they are in my life...along with their wives. My life is seriously blessed. You can watch this segment here. Check it out and be moved.
At some point the video/audio will be available to check out. I seriously would encourage you to check out these messages. Life changing.
If you want to see some fun photos check it out here.
Here are a few of my favorites:
ALL glory and FAME be unto the ONE who REIGNS!!!

One Mission: The Pioneer Woman

2010-02-15T18:51:00.003-06:00

So...awhile back, before Christmas, one of my good friends, Joanna, asked me if I would do her a huge favor. The Pioneer Woman had a new cookbook out and she was signing books in Austin, and apparently she is kind of a big deal. Joanna needed me to get a couple of books for her and our friend Kelli. The thing is...I had no idea who the Pioneer Woman was. But I had that night free so I agreed. Then my sisters started making comments on facebook about how the Pioneer Woman was going to be in Austin and how I needed to get her autograph and....to take it to the next level....videotape it all. (they had no idea that Joanna had already asked me about going...and that I had already agreed.) So I played it off with my sisters that I was busy and why would I got stand in line for hours for someone I didn't even know...and so on. My sisters were kidding. (kind of) But I decided to go for it, and I made my friend Wendy do it with me.
So what is funny about this:
I had no idea who the Pioneer Woman was...
I am not a fan of getting autographs.
There were lots of crazy women and hours of standing in line.
BUT...totally worth it.
So I made this little movie for my mom, my sisters and Joanna and Kelli to go along with the cookbooks. I gave my mom & my sisters their video at Christmas. I didn't really have any intentions of putting it out here for all to see. No sleep...no makeup...and my black hair comin' out. I look SO scrappy. sorry.

I would like to just say that I did not tell my fam at all about this until I put in the DVD and pushed play. It started playing and both of my sisters started giggling, breathing funny and making weird noises. THEN as soon as Marlboro Man came on there were screams...blood curdling screams. It was like we were back in the New Kids on the Block days. Then they both moved to the floor right in front of the TV. It was ridiculous. But hilarious.
AND for the record I do have to say that I am now a huge fan of this Pioneer Woman. She is lovely and I think you should all follow her blog.

Verge Live Streaming

2010-02-05T00:40:00.003-06:00

Found out tonight that the live streaming of the Verge Conference is also showing the worship! So come and check it out!!!

www.verge2010.org

You don't want to miss this. God is already doing HUGE things!!

VERGE

2010-02-03T12:14:00.003-06:00

SO excited!
Tomorrow night is the start of the Verge Conference!! My church is hosting this conference and it's gonna be HUGE! God is stirring and He is preparing His people for something BIG! Most of all I have no doubt that God's glory will be over all of this. In worship, in the speakers, in the breakout sessions, the the time spent alone processing.
Some of the speakers that will be at this conference are Francis Chan, Alan Hirsch, Ed Stetzer, Austin Stone pastor Matt Carter...and a whole bunch of others. I'm so excited to sit under these guys and learn!
I'm humbled to get the opportunity to lead worship with Aaron and the guys for this conference. The setlists are off the chart! It's gonna be sweet!
If you are not coming to the conference but want to check it out, there will be a live feed of the main sessions you can sign up for. It's real easy, just go to the website www.verge2010.org
I'm praying big things over this conference.
AND...some sweet friends from Iowa are coming to the conference! So excited to see them!!

Amos Is Home!

2010-01-28T08:53:00.003-06:00

Last weekend AMOS came home!!!! YAY for Team Ivey! Finally together.
So thankful for this family and what they are teaching me about God's love for His children. Thankful for them in my life.
Follow their blogs and get more info and more amazing stories.
Jamie
Aaron
Here is a recent news story:

Here is another one:

God's love is HUGE. I'm seeing that more and more.

My Job Tonight...Pray

2010-01-18T19:44:00.003-06:00

i forced myself to stay home tonight, instead of going to the benefit concert. I had my first full day back at work and i feel like I could pass out. Every part of me wanted to say "screw it...I'm going" but I knew that if I were to push myself...I would not get better.
So instead...I sent my roomie with my money and I sit back and read everyone's tweets about how amazing it is and how many people there are. My heart is overjoyed that in just 29 minutes into the benefit over $5,000 was raised and all of it is going to Real Hope for Haiti! YES!
Awesome!
I'm sad at the same time that I can't be a part of it...then I get mad at myself for being so selfish. Why do I really want to be there? To hear good music? To be around a lot of cool people? To say that I was part of something that is changing the world? So that I can tweet about it and say "look how cool it is?" or is it to see God be glorified through His people? To see a need and see it be fulfilled? To see the work of God's people coming together for an amazing cause? To know that thousands of lives will be blessed and even saved because of what is taking place tonight?

Oh that my heart would beat with Yours, God. Thank You that you are turning it to You and breaking it for what breaks Yours.

So i turned off the bachelor and I'm gonna pray. (yeah...you heard that right...the bachelor... I can't STAND that show...but somehow I get sucked in...) I'm gonna pray for tonight. Pray for Haiti and pray for God's NAME to be lifted up and glorified, pray for my brothers and sisters tonight who are speaking a good word.
It's gonna be a good good night!

Amos Story: Music Video

2010-01-18T11:39:00.004-06:00

Aaron just released a music video to his song "Amos Story". If you've been on my blog before you probably know their story. I lead worship with Aaron at my church and I have grown to love this family so much! Aaron and Jamie have adopted two kids from Haiti, Story came home a few months ago and Amos is still there. They are fighting hard to get him home. Pray with me that he gets to come home soon. Pray for Haiti as they pick up pieces and try and make sense of what happened w/ the earthquake. Lots of people are hurting and broken right now.
Check out this video and spread the word:

A Little Perspective

2010-01-17T22:02:00.003-06:00

As I was getting frustrated tonight thinking about this pressure in my head and how my ears are SO plugged up...I can't hear anything...I went to this blog.
I learned about Varney. He is a little boy who has Hydrocephalus. Which is a disease where you have an abnormal amount of fluid in your brain, causing pressure and your skull to expand. My heart broke. I can't imagine what this little guy is feeling. I can't imagine the pain that he is in. They say that it is the worst case they have ever seen.This puts things into perspective. wow.
God continue to humble me and break down self.

Strep Throat, Haiti and Being Fussy

2010-01-16T11:26:00.005-06:00

I get fussy when I'm sick. Especially when I don't get better when I'm supposed to be feeling better.
I went to the Doc. on Tuesday and found out I had strep throat and he put me on Amoxcillian and he gave me some vicadin for the pain. YEAH! oh. sorry. I kinda like that stuff. Yes. I'm in recovery...
Anyway, he said that if I wasn't feeling any better in a few days to let him know...so with 2 full doses of the antibiotic I figured that I should be feeling better...but was not.
Now having 101 temperatures and still incredibly painful to swallow I go back to the doc on Thursday...same guy. He looks in my throat and says it doesn't look any better has the nurse give me an antibiotic shot in the booty...and changes my antibiotic...and gives me more vicadin (which I didn't ask for...I thought he was going to give me a cough syrup...but didn't).
Friday comes along and I'm forcing myself into thinking that I'm feeling better.
Friday night comes and I'm in tears. I'm not feeling better...my ears are now in pain and completely plugged up and I can hear nothing.
My roommate is back, THANKFULLY! She rubbed my back...got me water and hot packs. She's so sweet.
I slept horribly last night, woke up this morning and went to the doc. (3rd time has got to work)
I see a different doctor who wants the low down of the week, I tried re-telling everything I could and here was his response.
"Well, I don't want to bad mouth any of the other doctors...but he should never have switched your antibiotics and he doesn't know what he's doing, the antibiotic you are taking now isn't doing anything."
My throat still looked bad, I now have ear infections and my head is about to explode. ugh.
He put me on a whole new regimen of stuff...I don't even know what it all is...at this point my mind is not working clearly and I'm like, 'whatever'.I do have to say that it's pretty.
He said, in his own words, "You should absa-freaking-lutely be feeling better in 7-10 days."
7-10 days.
great.
I was hoping to feel better tomorrow. So I can sing. But that's not gonna happen. :(

It has not been a fun week.
Everything happening in Haiti has got my heart all a mess.
Everything happening in my body has got my whole self all a mess.
I sometimes think that it's not happening...that in my fever induced weird state of mind...the videos and pictures I'm seeing are just part of a hallucination or a dream.
I wrestle in bed under hot covers but my body is freezing and I turn away from the computer not wanting to think about it. But I realize the reality. There are thousands and thousands of people who can't turn away from this and forget about it. That there are thousands and thousands of people who don't have a bed and covers.
My heart aches. I feel completely helpless. I get even more fussy.
But I do realize that I can stop feeling sorry for myself. There is no reason. I cannot even begin to imagine what those beautiful people are feeling over there.
Keep the people of Haiti in your prayers and don't forget about them. God is doing HUGE things and you don't want to miss it.

Benefit Concert for Haiti

2010-01-15T18:10:00.003-06:00

Austin musicians/artists are coming together Monday night to put on a benefit concert for Haiti.
Monday January 18 7pm
Parish downtown Austin
All proceeds will go to Real Hope for Haiti
For more information check out Music For the City

Haiti News Story Featuring the Ivey Family

2010-01-13T20:47:00.001-06:00

My heart is breaking for what is happening in Haiti right now.
If you have watched the news you know. 7.0 earthquake hit and thousands and thousands of people are affected.
My good friends the Ivey's were featured on the news tonight talking about their adoption of Story and Amos.
Check it out.

The Hawkeyes Win!!!

2010-01-07T08:41:00.004-06:00

I'm so proud of my Hawkeyes! If you didn't know already, they won the Orange Bowl on Tuesday night. YEAH! It was a great game!

Who am I kidding? I didn't watch the game...and because of that I am shunned from my family.
I mentioned something on facebook and got responses from my family that said things like:
"I feel like I don't even know you anymore"
"I thought I raised you better than that"
"You are shunned".
Can you feel the love?!?!
I'm ok with it. I know nothing about sports. I do enjoy watching them, but I am not overly excited about it...like some people I know.

A text conversation from my bro-in-law Joe:
Joe: Shun on.
Me: Oh Whatever!
Joe: Shun off. I mean it. Shun on.
Me: DORK! You can't shun me...it's impossible.
Joe: **silence**
Me: (this morning) Good morning sunshine! You can't stay mad at me forever!
Joe: **silence**

We'll see how long this lasts.

So here is a video that my sister put on her blog of my 2 year old nephew and my other bro-in-law, Damon. SO funny!! This just shows you a small glimpse into the intensity that is my family and sports. Apparently it starts young.

I would like to make a note that Jill DID NOT watch the game, but instead watched the Bachelor on her laptop with her earbuds in...hmmm...I don't see her getting shunned from the family thank you very much. I'm not bitter. Really.
I would also like to say that I really am proud to be an Iowan and a Hawkeye. I even have a hawkeye sticker on my car. Gotta represent down here!

A Few Things...

2010-01-06T13:21:00.006-06:00

Oh good gracious. It's been awhile since I've posted.
Welcome to 2010! CRAZINESS!

Here are some bullet points:

--today I've been missing my dad like crazy. I thought about him at lunch today. A friend said something about how unique my eyes were and the thought came across my mind..."what would dad have to say about my eyes." totally random. Then it started a yearning to hear him say "you're beautiful", just to hear his voice again. How would he say it, what words would he say...would he say it? I miss him.

--I'm yearning for God's word. Praying God's word, speaking God's word, memorizing God's word, encouraging with His word...I can't get enough.

--I LOVE worship. I love that I can sit by myself in my room and worship. I love that I can go to the handicap stall at work and throw my hands up in the air when I feel like walking out the doors. I love that I can stand in front of thousands, close my eyes and feel alone with the Lord. I love standing next to some amazing worship leaders and musicians who live out worship not just on stage. I love getting to pray and read and listen and learn. Worship feeds my soul and I'm thankful for freedom.

--I'm trying to do some rough recordings of some of my songs to put on a myspace music page. It's scary. It's like I'm being laid bare right out in front of everyone. It's a little vulnerable. But God is in it and I trust that He will do what He wants with my songs. I'll let you know when I'm ready to "release" it.

--I somehow got talked into running a 5k race in March. There are several things funny about this. #1 I'm NOT a runner. In fact I'm technically on Day 4 of my training program and since...uh...DAY 1 my shins hurt REAL bad. Seriously it's real painful to run/walk. It's making me want to give up. #2 I'm SO out of shape. It's been over a year since I worked out. (some of you are probably thinking...wow. or Gross...or that's not good....or whatever) I blame my weird health issues over the last year...but I also blame laziness.
We'll see how this plays out.

Ok. I'm done for now.

Merry Christmas...It's a RAT! Seriously.

2009-12-23T08:13:00.004-06:00

So here's the deal.
There is a rat in my apartment. No joke.
Some of you may be thinking...."This sounds familiar...is she re-telling a story?"
NO. No re-telling of any crazy story that happened way over a year ago (2 years in April).
This is live, real life, happening right now craziness.
If you want in on the situation from last time. The links are below. I blogged about the whole experience and several people thought it was quite hilarious.
You'll probably want to check them out, start from the beginning to get the full experience:

1. A Not So Fun Experience
2. A Not So Fun Experience Part 2
3. It's Not Over...It's SO Not Over...
4. It Keeps Getting Worse...But I'm Trying To Be Thankful
5. Rat #3 and I'm Still Trying To Be Thankful
6. It's Starting to Look A Little Brighter
7. I Don't Want to See Anymore Turds
8. Rat #4, Day 11
9. Rat Update

So here is this story...
(I didn't find it as funny as last time...so I didn't pull out my camera for any pictures.)

It was a lovely evening and I had just gotten home from an appointment and I stopped to get the mail. I love getting mail at this time of year. Christmas cards are my favorite.
I was going through the letters and I received my kid in the mail!
My World Vision kid.
Tsebo is his name and he is cute and black and from Africa. He has the cutest cheeks in the world. I was oooing and ahhing over him and breaking as I read about his life and prayed for him.
I went and finished getting my stuff together to go coffeeshop it up with Jen and I decided that I was going to take my kid with me and I was even going to give Jen a picture of him (they give you extra pictures and she suggested getting one to put on her desk to pray for him...afterall...she did talk me into getting him). So I grabbed my scissors and the thought crossed my mind to bring my other kid from Compassion along and I could pray for both of them.
His name is Mike and he is from Kenya. His picture was on my refrigerator.
So I turn on the light to the kitchen, with scissors still in hand, smiling and thinking about these sweet black babies and maybe even thinking about how I need one.
When ALL OF A SUDDEN a RAT goes running across my kitchen floor.
Ruining all thoughts of sweet black babies.
I screamed. I should have thrown the scissors at it, I'm regretting not doing that. But with my aim I probably would have taken everything else out but the rat.
My roommate, Dana, is at home in Florida. My old roommate Hilary (who was with me the last rat situation) is now married and has her own rat fighting man.
I was by myself. Alone.
Thoughts ran through my mind of calling the fire department. Calling my friend Matt. Or just getting some balls and dealing with it right then and there.
So what do I do?
I leave as fast as I can, all lights left on, and I call my sister...in Iowa.
It took me several tries of squealing through what happened before she understood the situation.
Then she laughed.
So I get to Thunderbird and Jen is waiting for me.
Laura says on the phone, "Get Jen to help you she's real scrappy like that."
Let's just say Jen was only semi-appreciative of that statement. But yet...she was very helpful.
We packed up our things right away and headed to Walmart to find some traps.
I'm going to go ahead and confess that at this point I was being a real big poop. I didn't have the best attitude. It was REAL quiet in the car ride.
We get the traps go back to my apartment and Jen being the scrappy brave person that she is...starts moving the oven, getting down on her hands and knees, and let me just say that she is wearing flip flops.
You may be wondering what I am doing during all of this.
Well...as soon as she started moving things around I hightailed it out of there and on to my dining room chair.
I stayed there for awhile. Just in case.
I did shout out some encouraging, "Jen, you are brave!" comments and offered her close toed shoes.
We looked behind the oven and poop. Lots of poop.
At this point I'm shaking my head saying, "this is not good."
I think I even said, "that little bastard". sorry. it's true.
So "we" set up the traps and I get an overnight bag and we head out to continue our Thunderbird time, then for a sleepover. No way am I staying in my apartment knowing that little...guy...is running around.
My management people know what's up and they are handling it a lot better than my last apartment! thank you!
I promise that I will be better about documenting with pics and video (like last time!) We'll see what I come home to today. ugh.
All in all...I've screamed once and cried twice. Not too bad.
Merry Christmas!

You're Here (LISTEN TO THIS NOW!!!)

2009-12-22T09:09:00.003-06:00

I heard this song on the way to work today. It is my new FAVORITE Christmas song.
Listen to it NOW! Oh my. It's on repeat.
Here are the lyrics, take in these words:

You're Here by Francesca Battistelli
Hold on now, I gotta take a deep breath
I don't know what to say when I look in your eyes
You made the world before I was born
Here I am holding you in my arms tonight
Noel, Noel, Jesus our Emmanuel

You're here, I'm holding you so near
I'm staring into the face of my savior, king and creator
You could've left us on our own, but You're here

Don't know how long I'm gonna have you for
But I'll be watching when you change the world
I look at your hands, they're still so small
Someday you're going to stretch them out and save us all
Noel, Noel God with us, Emmanuel

You're here, I'm holding you so near
I'm staring into the face of my savior, king and creator
You could've left us on our own, but You're here

Someday I'm gonna look back on this
The night that God became a baby boy
Someday You're gonna go home again
But you leave your spirit and flood the world with joy

You'll be here, I'm holding you so near
I'm staring into the face of my savior, king and creator
You could've left me on my own, but You're here

Hallelujah You're here
Hallelujah You're here

Grace by Saving Jane

2009-12-21T08:17:00.000-06:00

Jen told me about this.
uhh...yeah.

Hope In the Lord

2009-12-18T08:57:00.001-06:00

From Elisabeth Elliot:

"It is faith He is looking for, a quiet confidence that whatever it is He is up to, it will be a wonderful thing, never mind whether it is what we have been asking for."

Oh. No.

2009-12-17T11:50:00.002-06:00

um. I feel real bad for this guy.
Not sure why these two songs were put together.
Not sure why he didn't think through the fact that he doesn't know the words AT ALL.
There are just so many things about this video that make me laugh. Watch it a few times. It never gets old.

I'm A Dancer. I Swear.

2009-12-17T11:32:00.003-06:00

I swear I was meant to be a dancer.
I absolutely LOVE the show So You Think You Can Dance.
I can't help but move my body while I'm watching the show. I don't even realize I'm doing it. My shoulders start going, and sometimes my feet.
I absolutely LOVE this dance. Love it.

Comfort Ye

2009-12-16T15:12:00.002-06:00

I'm loving this song today by Daniel Renstrom it's called Comfort Ye :

Comfort ye heavy laden, the Son of God has come
His kingdom shines with lavished mercy, for those who's hearts are drawn, are drawn

Those who dwell in darkness see, the light of Christ invades the night
Shining from His cross of anquish, His death brings many life

In Christ we know hope for the hurting
In Christ we know love for the lost
In Christ we know no other one can save, can save

Comfort ye weary Christian, for just as Christ was raised
He will soon return to gather those, who follow Him by faith

Immanuel, God with us
Son of God
Hallelujah

Baby, It's Cold Outside

2009-12-13T21:48:00.005-06:00

So this is what happens when you acquire brothers later in life. An innocent little photo opp in the snow...to show all my texas peeps. To show how snowy and cold it is here. When out of nowhere...this happens...I have NO idea what is about to happen. just look at my face. NO clue. (great timing Laura!)
This would be a shovel full of snow. Thrown at my head. While I'm trying to take a cute picture.

Christmas Program

2009-12-11T17:00:00.002-06:00

I made it!
I'm in Iowa...it's snowy and cold. wow!It so warms my heart to be with my family. Love them all.
Laura, Lily and my mom picked me up at the airport and before they got there Lily asked if they were going to my house. She said..."you know...with the escalators."
She totally thought I lived at the airport.
Love her sweet little heart.

Wanted to let you all know about the Christmas program I'm singing at. If you are in Iowa and in the Iowa City area you should come.
Here are the details:

Parkview Church
15 Foster Rd. Iowa City, IA

Services:
Saturday 12/12 4:30pm
Sunday 12/13 8:00am, 9:30am and 11:00am

Come and check it out...and come say hi! Would love to meet you!

Broken, Beautiful, Heaven, Yearning

2009-12-09T23:34:00.002-06:00

Last night I went to a concert. Bethany Dillon, Phil Wickham and Shane and Shane.
If you have been reading my blog lately you know that I've been in a funk.
I felt God move last night through these musicians and these brothers and sister in Christ. So thankful for God using them and speaking truth to me through their songs.
Here are the songs that I loved and felt God through:
Beth went first. A couple of her songs spoke to me:

So Close:
I'm so close to being so far away from You
I was wrong, but it takes so much to say it to You
Like a broken husband and wife
Who never talk but share their nights
I'm so close to being so far away from You
I have nothing when I'm living apart from You
Outside, creation groans
To lose our darkness and be made whole

For my feet are close to slipping
Speak to my heart in time
You have promised, so I do believe
You won't forget this wandering child

Still, I'm so close to being so far away from You
Though I know no one on their own makes it through
My soul clings to the dust
So in Your life, let it be enough

I'm so foolish to believe that I can escape Your love

For my feet were close to slipping
You spoke to my heart in time
You have promised, so I do believe
You won't forget this wandering child
You're so close when I feel far away from You
You're so close when I feel far away from You

The other song that she did that got me was a song called "Beautiful"
I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart
And be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

She ended this song with "nothing but the blood". um...awesome.

Then came Phil Wickham and all of his songs about heaven. I was like...seriously?!
whatintheworld.
Here is one:

You wrote a letter and You signed Your name
I read every word every page by page
You said that You'd be coming, coming for me soon
Oh my God I'll be ready for You

I want to run on greener pastures
I want to dance on higher hills
I want to drink from sweeter waters
In the misty morning chill
And my soul is getting restless
For the place where I belong
I can't wait to join the angels and sing my heaven song

I hear Your voice and I catch my breath
"Well done my child, enter in and rest"
Tears of joy roll down my cheek
It's beautiful beyond my wildest dreams

I want to run on greener pastures
I want to dance on higher hills
I want to drink from sweeter waters
In the misty morning chill
And my soul is getting restless
For the place where I belong
I can't wait to join the angels and sing

Here is another: "Cielo"
I'm walking through the bright white gates
Breathing in and out Your grace
All around me melodies rise
That echo with a joy inside
So I start to sing

But I can't sing loud enough
I can't sing loud enough
When I'm singing for You my God

With a thunder roll and a brilliant light
Your glory bursts and the heavens shine
Saints and angels stand in awe
Captured by the beauty of it all
So I fall to my knees

But I can't bow low enough
I can't bow low enough
At the vision of You my God

I can't hold it all inside
I'm reaching for the One who brought me out of death and into life.

Now I can't lift my hands high enough
I can't lift my hands high enough
When I'm reaching for You my God

Oh my heart. It yearns for Heaven.
Shane and Shane did this song: Yearn. (except Bethany Dillon didn't sing with them...I was a little sad.)

Holy design
This place in time
That I might seek and find my God
My God

Lord I want to yearn for You
I want to burn with passion
Over You and only You
Lord I want to yearn

Your joy is mine
Yet why am I fine
With all my singing and bringing grain
In light of Him

Oh You give life and breath
Through Him You give all things
In You we live and move
That's why I sing

Hammock - FAIL

2009-12-07T16:25:00.002-06:00

This completely made my day. I've watched it SEVERAL times. Cracks me up every time.
My sister posted this on her blog. My nephew Will was trying to build a hammock.
FAIL.

Beautiful Weepiness

2009-12-07T09:45:00.002-06:00

So, as I reflect on my week last week, here is what was going on (sorry it's long):

I was weepy.
I don't really know what my problem was.
I just felt blah and to be honest there was a feeling of just wanting to give up. I'm tired.
I guess this is part of my high highs and my low lows. I've been told this is part of being an artistic type.
Artsy/creative people have high highs and low lows...any other high/low artsy people out there?!
I know that I have not been in the Word. I need to be.
I have not been praying faithfully...I need to be.
When I look at it all this way, all I see is "I've Failed."
I've failed at all the things I know I should be doing to be a "good christian".
When I'm in this funk...I have to go back to grace and to God's love for me that is NOT dependent on being a "good christian".
If that were the case, we would ALL be void of a GREAT, SATISFYING love.
He gives us His love and it is never ending, it is deep and true, it never leaves.
We had our First Tuesday Prayer meeting last week. It was about suffering. Embracing it, enduring it, praising God in it.
Aaron asked me to sing with him and when he sent me the setlist I immediately thought, "There is no way I'm gonna get through this. I have nothing to give. I will cry through the entire thing."
I just humbly asked the Lord to just give me what I need...if that was to make it through the songs without tears. Awesome.
If it was to lose it through every song. Awesome.
I was choosing to believe that He knew exactly what needed to happen. I asked Him to remind me again and again that this wasn't about me.
It was a powerful night.
It started out by a good friend of mine being in a REALLY crazy goofy mood. He said over and over again, "I don't know why I'm so hyper!" (I know. God was using him!)
During sound check Aaron was playing different funny styles of music on the piano and my friend was interpretive dancing to it.
I laughed so hard.
Tears.
Not weepy tears, but laughing tears.
I started feeling the weepiness go away.
How could it not when a big black man goes pirouetting across the front of the church. :)
So not only did I make it through the songs without crying...but God gave an amazing strength that took away the weepy feeling completely.
He gave me a joy and a peace that didn't make sense and a love for His people as I saw many who worshiped with tears as they raised their hands in surrender praising God for their suffering.
It was a beautiful night.
As I left to go home that night I started feeling the heaviness come back.
I started thinking about all of the things going on around me. I have been told of so much suffering going on in different friends lives. It just hurts. I hurt for them and I don't know what to do.
I got in bed that night and opened up and read Psalm 121. Here is what it says in the Message translation:
"I look up to the mountains; does my strength come from mountains? No, my strength comes from God, who made heaven, and earth, and mountains. He won't let you stumble, your Guardian God won't fall asleep. Not on your life! Israel's Guardian will never doze or sleep. God's your Guardian, right at your side to protect you- Shielding you from sunstroke, sheltering you from moonstroke. God guards you when you leave and when you return, he guards you now, he guards you always."
I went to bed believing that He is my help and all I need.
Wednesday I was still a little sad, but I didn't cry.
I was sad that I was going to miss an opportunity to help a friend of mine who was having a benefit for her non-profit.
She had asked me to play a 45 min. set. But the night ended up falling on Wed. night. Recovery night. I had already committed to leading worship that night @ Recovery and as I prayed about it just felt like I needed to be there. So I declined the opportunity.
As I got ready for worship and as we started Recovery still felt a heaviness that I didn't understand and I remember asking God what it was that He wanted and why did I need to be at Recovery that night.
The teaching was all about letting go of control and admitting that we are completely powerless and that we CAN'T do it. As much as we try and we think we can do certain things in order to have freedom, or to achieve what we want...we CAN'T do it.
We can't faithfully be in God's word.
We can't faithfully pray.
We will fail.
BUT GOD.
Releasing ourselves to God and admitting HIS power over our powerlessness will give us freedom, HE will give us faithfulness.
I felt myself yearning for that. Realizing how much I try and control, and realizing how much I want freedom.
We get to the open share time (that I usually lead) and another leader ends up leading the discussion. So I sit. Quiet. Still heavy.
Fast forward...to the end of the night I was walking out to my car with a friend and another girl from the group. She had been coming the last few weeks and I don't know her other than from our times together in open share.
I tell her goodnight as she heads to her car and my friend and I stand by my car talking for awhile.
Pretty soon this girl comes walking over to us and says "ok. this is random. I don't know you but I feel like God is wanting me to ask you how I can pray for you."
First of all...I noticed this girl hanging around longer afterwards while we were putting chairs away...she walked out to the parking lot with us...got in her car...started it...then turned it off, got out of her car and walked over to us...
"I just couldn't shake it and I was just going to leave...but I just couldn't...so is there anything I can pray for?!"
whatintheworld. who does that?!
It was awesome.
I don't know this girl. She doesn't know me. But God was up to something.
So I started sharing with her about my week. Completely thinking I was not making any bit of sense.
I get done sharing and was like, "sorry...that probably made no sense at all."
She said, "you have no idea how much this makes sense to me. It's crystal clear."
She went on to say that during our open share time, she noticed my face and how it had looked different than past weeks and that she knew something was up.
She also said that she got the sense that I loved on people well and that maybe I just needed to be loved on.
It was all very interesting...and very cool.
She kept apologizing about how random and weird it probably was.
Random and weird and AWESOME!!!! It completely made my night.
That she got in her car...started it...then turned it off and knew that she couldn't leave without asking to pray for me.
God.
This is completely God. Not me, not this girl. GOD!
Do you see it!?
God continues to show me His love. How I don't deserve it, but how freely He gives it.
The rest of the week was up and down. God really showing up and showing me that He cares, that He loves me, that He never leaves me.
I continue to hear of suffering all around me. People who are hurting and going through really hard stuff.
Friday night I woke up at 3am sobbing uncontrollably.
I had a dream about my dad.
It was the same exact dream that I had a couple of weeks ago that woke me up crying. I could not stop crying. I went to get a drink of water and when I walked into the living room I noticed on the wall a picture that my dad made. It was hanging on the wall.
It wasn't hanging on the wall before.
My roommate hung it up the day before...and somehow didn't see it until that moment.
I lost it again.
God shows His faithfulness. He is good. He is my comforter. He is my Daddy.
Yesterday was a sweet day leading worship with the Andy Melvin band. I am SO thankful for my church. SO thankful. I can't even tell you how blessed and humbled I am to be alongside some pretty amazing people.
It was a beautiful time worshiping Jesus and leading His people to a deeper place with an unspeakable joy. God shows up in power and moves in ways unimaginable.
If you've made it this far. Thanks for reading!
Just wanted to be transparent and real.
I read this, this morning and will end with this, it's from Spurgeon:

Psalm 29:11 "The Lord will give strength unto his people; the Lord will bless his people with peace."
David had just heard the voice of the Lord in a thunderstorm and had seen His power in the hurricane whose path he had described; and now, in the cool calm after the storm, that overwhelming power by which heaven and earth are shaken is promised to be the strength of the chosen. He who wings the unerring bolt will give to His redeemed the wings of eagles; He who shakes the earth with His voice will terrify the enemies of His saints and give His children peace. Why are we weak when we have divine strength to flee to? Why are we troubled when the Lord's own peace is ours? Jesus, the mighty God, is our strength; let us put Him on and go forth to our service. Jesus, our blessed Lord, is also our peace; let us repose in Him this day and end our fears. What a blessing to have Him for our strength and peace both now and forever!
The same God who rides upon the storm in days of tempest will also rule the hurricane of our tribulation and send us, before long, days of peace. We shall have strength for storms and songs for fair weather. Let us begin to sing at once unto God, our strength and our peace. Away, dark thoughts! Up, faith and hope!

REAL Christmas Music

2009-12-03T15:11:00.003-06:00

I'm a huge fan of Christmas music. But not a fan of over the top cheezy, Christmasy Christmas music, if that makes sense. Ok...well maybe some cheezy Christmas music.
But I'm more of a fan of Christmas music that is worshipful, that points to the REAL meaning of Christmas. The fact that God chose to come to us as a baby, Jesus. Such a sweet beautiful, powerful TRUE story.
I've been lovin Chris Tomlin's new Christmas album. It's worship. Get it and worship.
One of the songs that I have been loving is called "Born that We May Have Life". Here are the lyrics:

No reputation, no stately bearing
No palace bed for royalty
But a star in the heavens
A sign full of wonder
Announcing the coming of the King of Kings

Rejoice O world
Your Savior has come
Through the love of a virgin's womb
Son of God, Son of man
Born that we may have life
You were born that we may have life

A throne in a manger, the cross in a cradle
The hidden revealing this glorious plan
A child who would suffer
A child who would conquer
The sins of every woman, the sins of every man

YES!! REJOICE!

December 12 & 13 I have the unique privilege to fly to my home church in Iowa and lead a couple of songs at their Christmas program. One song is called Here With Us by Joy Williams. I sang this song several years back and they wanted me to sing it again! SO honored. Another powerful worshipful song...here are the lyrics & a video:

It's still a mystery to me
That the hands of God could be so small
How tiny fingers reaching in the night
Were the very hands that measured the sky

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King here with us
You're here with us

It's still a mystery to me
How His infant eyes had seen the dawn of time
How His ears had heard an angel symphony
But still Mary had to rock her Savior to sleep

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King here with us
You're here with us

Jesus the Christ
Born in Bethlehem
A baby born to save
To save the souls of men

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King here with us
You're here with us

Another favorite Christmas album is Andrew Peterson's Behold the Lamb of God.
A sweet song that pictures Jesus' birth is Labor of Love. Here is a video and lyrics:

It was not a silent night
There was blood on the ground
You could hear a woman cry
In the alleyway that night
On the streets of David's town

And the stable was not clean
And the cobblestones were cold
And little Mary full of grace
With the tears upon her face
And no mother's hand to hold

It was a labor of pain
It was a cold sky above
But for the girl on the ground in the dark
Every beat of her beautiful heart
It was a labor of love

Noble Joseph by her side
Callused hands and weary eyes
There were no midwives to be found
On the streets of David's town
In the middle of the night

So he held her and he prayed
Shafts of moonlight on his face
But the baby in her womb
He was the Maker of the moon
He was the Author of the faith
That could make the mountains move

It was a labor of pain
It was a cold sky above
But for the girl on the ground in the dark
Every beat of her beautiful heart
It was a labor of love
Little Mary full of grace
With the tears upon her face
It was a labor of love

Ok. I could keep going with all of the amazing Christmas music I love. But I'll stop for now.

My Soul This Morning

2009-11-30T10:44:00.002-06:00

A couple of things touched my soul this morning.

My Utmost for His Highest:

The way we continually talk about our own inability is an insult to the Creator. The deploring of our own incompetence is a slander against God for having overlooked us. Get into the habit of examining in the sight of God the things that sound humble before men, and you will be amazed at how staggeringly impertinent they are. "Oh, I shouldn't like to say I am sanctified; I'm not a saint." Say that before God; and it means - "No, Lord, it is impossible for You to save and sanctify me; there are chances I have not had; so many imperfections in my brain and body; no, Lord, it isn't possible." That may sound wonderfully humble before men, but before God it is an attitude of defiance.
Again, the things that sound humble before God may sound the opposite before men. To say thank God, I know I am saved and sanctified, is in the sight of God the acme of humility, it means you have so completely abandoned yourself to God that you know He is true. Never bother your head as to whether what you say sounds humble before men or not, but always be humble before God, and let Him be all in all. There is only one relationship that matters, and that is your personal relationship to a personal Redeemer and Lord. Let everything else go, but maintain that at all costs, and God will fulfill His purposes, and yours may be that life.

And from Spurgeon:

In the presence of a great work or a great warfare, here is a text which should help us to buckle on our harness. If Jehovah Himself goes before us, it must be safe to follow. Who can obstruct our progress if the Lord Himself is in the van? Come, brother soldiers, let us make a prompt advance! Why do we hesitate to pass on to victory?
Nor is the Lord before us only; He is with us. Above, beneath, around, within is the omnipotent, omnipresent One. In all time, even to eternity, He will be with us even as He has been. How this should nerve our arm. Dash at it boldy, ye soldiers of the cross, for the Lord of hosts is with us!
Being before us and with us, He will never withdraw His help. He cannot fail in himself and He will not fail toward us. He will continue to help us according to our need, even to the end. As He cannot fail us, so He will not forsake us. He will always be both able and willing to grant us strength and succor till fighting days are gone.
Let us not fear nor be dismayed; for the Lord of hosts will go down to the battle with us, will bear the brunt of the fight, and give us the victory.

Beautiful Lily

2009-11-26T23:03:00.002-06:00

Tonight I got to tuck sweet Lily Margaret into bed. We prayed together and then she told me that she couldn't close her eyes. :) So I sat with her and rubbed her hair as she closed her eyes. It was very sweet. As I sat there looking at her sweet face my heart was falling more in love with this sweet little one. I started asking God to protect her and that she would know her worth in Him. That she would know and believe with confidence that God has made her and designed her beautifully and uniquely. That she would continue to shine with beauty. That she would not doubt her significance and worth and her beauty, and that it is only because of Jesus.
She is SO beautiful. I'm thankful for her sweet little heart.

Flaws & Fat. Just Bein' Real.

2009-11-24T12:20:00.003-06:00

So I'm gonna be real honest here.
I've been battling something today. It's something that I battle with OFTEN. Too often. I've seen the ways that Lord has released freedom in my life regarding this and I've also seen the ways satan grabs hold of it and shakes things up.

Today seems to be a day when satan is shaking things up.

BUT I'm reminded today by a good friend of mine, she texted me this:
"Oh how satan loves to try to rob us of our joy and praise around this time of year! But thanks be to God who has overcome and all glory and praise is due to him!!"

It happens stronger when I'm about to go home to Iowa, when I haven't been back in awhile. The last time I was back was last January.
Since January, I have probably gained 20-30lbs...I don't even know for sure cause I've forced myself to stop getting on the scale. I just know that it's a lot.
I've had a lot of weird health things going on and I stopped exercising. And to be honest...I love food. It has just gotten a little out of control.
Anyway...I battle with the way I look. I battle with every time I look in the mirror I see flaws and fat. I battle with coming home and not having been home in awhile, seeing people I haven't seen in awhile...wondering if they will think I'm fat.
It's silly.
I know.
But it's a battle. I struggle.

Last night I had a photo shoot with a friend who needed a model for her class. As I drove there I kept praying, "Lord, give me Your eyes to see me as You see me." I had some sweet friends pray for me too. The night was fun and didn't think about it...much.
My friend emailed me some of the pictures today, and I've been battling all day. She did an amazing job...but when I look at them I see flaws and fat.
WHY!? Why do I do this to myself? I've been asking the Lord today to change my heart and to change my eyes.

I'm choosing to claim the promises that God says. I'm choosing to believe them until the Lord changes my heart, and He will. He will mold me and remold me until my heart is like His. That's a big process.

My sweet friend that texted me earlier also sent me this from "31 Days of Praise" by Ruth Myers. I will read it over and over and over and over:

I give thanks to You, O Lord, and I stand in awe of You, for I am wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works! Thank You that You uniquely designed and created me, with the same care and precision You used in creating the universe...that You formed me in love exactly to Your specifications...that You embroidered me with great skill in my mother's womb.
I'm grateful that my looks, abilities, and my personality are like a special picture frame in which You can portray Your grace and beauty, Your love, Your strength, Your faithfulness, to the praise of Your glory. I rejoice that You have gifted me for the special purpose You have in mind for my life.
It's wonderful to know that you are not the least bit dissatisfied with my inborn talents, intelligence, aptitudes, appearance, and personality, for Your hands have made and fashioned me. I am one of Your original masterpieces! I praise You that You are greater than all my failures...that as my Potter, You are able to mold and remold me, as I submit to Your wisdom and skill...that as the Master Artist You are able to take away my sin and through Christ make me a new creation in Christ Jesus to the praise of Your glorious grace.
I worship and bow down; I kneel before You, my Maker.

So I write all of this, just to be real. I struggle. I deal with junk. This is just a small part of the junk. There are MANY women and men who struggle with this. Just thought I would share my part of the battle.
God has won the victory, I have to daily surrender and ask Him to take control. I have no control over this...as much as I try and try. I have NO control. But He does. I have to release it to Him.
That's Recovery people!
So that's me today. Being raw and real.

Jen's Post

2009-11-23T16:13:00.001-06:00

Read Jen's post about what is happening in 2 days.

2 days!

2009-11-23T12:28:00.002-06:00

2 days I can't wait!

So today I have two doctors appointments. a Photo Shoot. Laundry.
Tomorrow I have one doctor appointment, packing, then Jen is coming over to spend the night cause our flight leaves at 6:20am Wed. morning. Thats ridiculous.
Then Wednesday is the day! YEAH!!!
We decided we are documenting our trip with lots of video and commentary. It's gonna be awesome.
I hope these 2 days go fast, and then I hope the rest of the week is really long.
The high temps in Iowa right now are in the 40's. AND it's supposed to snow on Thursday. whatintheworld. I'm going to freeze. I'm a complete wimp now that I have been in TX for 3 years.

Laura told me today that Noah asked if Jen was bringing her kids with her. Laura told him that Jen was like me...a single girl and not married yet. His response was..."Well...what are they waiting for?!" She tried to explain to him that we were waiting for the right guy to come along!
I was kinda thinking in my head, "I know right!? c'mon guys!"
Noah. He is funny.

Jill told me today that Will wondered if this visit was another surprise for grandma! Some of you may remember THIS from last year. Oh man. That was great. But no surprises this year!

Let This Change Your Life

2009-11-20T12:33:00.002-06:00

This blog post should change your life somehow.
How will you let it?
I'm battling so much after reading this.
God, what do you want me to do? I can't do it. I don't know what to do. But YOU can and YOU do know what to do. Use me somehow.

9 Days!

2009-11-16T09:59:00.003-06:00

9 days until I get to be in Iowa. I can't wait. It's going to be SO much fun.
My friend Jen is coming with me. I'm not sure if she's ready yet for what she will experience. She told me today that she needs to start mentally preparing herself.
I have envisioned getting off the plane, coming down the escalator, seeing my family waiting and then they all run to Jen. :)
I'm going to completely play my "baby of the family" card right now and say that I have a feeling I'm not going to get all the attention when I'm back. :( boo.
Whatevs.
It's gonna be legendary.

The Inner Voice of Love

2009-11-13T14:49:00.002-06:00

I read this on Jen's blog awhile ago and have been reading it again over and over this week. SO good.

"You are very concerned with making the right choices about your work. You have so many options that you are constantly overwhelmed by the question "What should I do and what should I not do?" You are asked to respond to many concrete needs. There are people to visit, people to receive, people to simply be with. There are issues that beg for attention, books it seems important to read, and works of art to be seen. But what of all this truly deserves your time?

Start by by not allowing these people and issues to possess you. As long as you think that you need them to be yourself, you are not really free. Much of their urgency comes from your own need to be accepted and affirmed. You have to keep going back to the source: God's love for you.

In many ways, you still want to set your own agenda. You act as if you have to choose among many things, which all seem equally important. But you have not fully surrendered yourself to God's guidance. You keep fighting with God over who is in control.

Try to give your agenda to God. Keep saying, "Your will be done, not mine." Give every part of your heart and your time to God and let God tell you what to do, where to go, when and how to respond. God does not want you to destroy yourself. Exhaustion, burnout, and depression are not signs that you are doing God's will. God is gentle and loving. God desires to give you a deep sense of safety in God's love. Once you have allowed yourself to experience that love fully, you will be better able to discern who you are being sent to in God's name.

It is not easy to give your agenda to God. But the more you do so, the more "clock time" becomes "God's time", and God's time is always the fullness of time."

The Inner Voice of Love
Henri J. M. Nouwen

Conformitron

2009-11-13T12:43:00.001-06:00

This video will change your life.
I'm proud to say...these are my friends.

Beautiful Grace

2009-11-12T13:44:00.002-06:00

Life is beautiful.
No matter what. Life is beautiful.
God created and what He creates is beauty.
Life. He created.
I can see Him. All around me, Him.
Beauty.
To bless. To glorify. To love.
My life is a mess.
Because of Beauty this mess is beautiful.
I'm learning to trust Him, but I seem to fail.
Grace. He is good.
I know He is there. All around me, Him.
Beauty.
To bless. To glorify. To love.

A Beautiful Thing in College Station

2009-11-04T14:42:00.003-06:00

I had the privilege of joining the Aaron Ivey band on a little road trip to College Station, home of Texas A&M (aggieland.) last night. There is a "little" ministry there called Breakaway. They meet every Tuesday and there are around 5,000 students that show up. Yeah. Crazy.
This week they had to meet in this auditorium:
We had to do two services to fit everyone. It was packed out.
God broke into that place and moved powerfully. It was awesome. SO much fun. GREAT people. HUGE God.
My friend Ginger rode with me. The van was full of guys and so we followed them up there. I'm kinda glad I wasn't crammed in the van. I have a feeling it might have been kinda stinky. A van full of guys...c'mon.
So Ginger and I rocked the GirlPower and represented the ladies.
She shot this pic to take note that they say "gig 'em" every chance they get.
We are heading back up there next Tuesday and I can't wait! SO worth the REALLY late night and getting up early for work.
So humbled and thankful that God has called me to this ministry where I get to worship Him and lead others into His presence. Where I can see His spirit move through His people as they sing, shout, clap, raise their hands. It is a beautiful thing.

21 days

2009-11-04T09:46:00.003-06:00

I can't even stand it. These sweet little faces I get to see in 21 days. I seriously love being an aunt. How can you not love these kids?!?!

Look at those dimples. Seriously. ohmyword.

Welcome to America!

2009-10-23T11:24:00.003-05:00

Just read this update on Aaron's blog and I have tears:

Hard to believe I’m actually typing this. Story has arrived in the USA!!!!!! And her last name is “Ivey.” God has worked the miraculous!!! No doubt.
I’m writing this from my phone, so bear with me… Jamie & Story landed in Miami a few minutes ago… Now they go through immigration & customs where US officials will scour through all our paperwork (again) before she’s allowed in. Shouldn’t be any hold ups or problems. Story is still sick. Not sure what’s up. Jamie will take her to doctor asap.

I am in Arkansas and getting on a flight home tomorrow to see my baby girl! I got to see her a few weeks ago and she was starting to warm up to me. Looking forward to seeing her in a carseat in our car tomorrow!!

Amos is still in the process. My heart breaks for my son today. His sister is no longer with him, and I’m sure he wonders if papa is really EVER going to take him home. Keep praying for his adoption process. Since they are not biologically related, they are 2 totally seperate adoptions. He has a ways to go as he’s still in MOI. But that boy will have his day!!!

Praise GOD for all that He’s done and continues to do… And thank you all for sharing in the struggle AND rejoicing!!!

SO thankful for God's provision, His perfect and GOOD plan and His faithfulness.

Story is Coming Home!

2009-10-22T09:00:00.003-05:00

Thanking God over and over today! My good friends Aaron & Jamie will finally bring home their daughter, Story, from Haiti!Jamie is on her way right now to pick her up and will be home tomorrow night!
They have been in this process for over 2 years.
Please continue to pray that everything goes smoothly in bringing her back and also PLEASE pray for sweet Amos. He is still in the MOI stage of the adoption. Pray for his sweet little heart as Story leaves to come home.

Heart Corruptions

2009-10-20T16:55:00.003-05:00

O God,
May thy Spirit speak in me that I may speak to thee.
I have no merit, let the merit of Jesus stand for me.
I am undeserving, but I look to thy tender mercy.
I am full of infirmities, wants, sin; thou art full of grace.
I confess my sin, my frequent sin, my wilful sin;
All my powers of body and soul are defiled;
A fountain of pollution is deep within my nature.
There are chambers of foul images within my being;
I have gone from one odious room to another,
walked in a no-man's-land of dangerous imaginations,
pried into the secrets of my fallen nature.
I am utterly ashamed that I am what I am in myself;
I have no green shoot in me nor fruit, but thorns and thistles;
I am a fading leaf that the wind drives away;
I live bare and barren as a winter tree,
unprofitable, fit to be hewn down and burnt.
Lord, dost thou have mercy on me?
Thou hast struck a heavy blow at my pride,
at the false god of self,
and I lie in pieces before thee.
But thou hast given me another master and lord, thy Son, Jesus,
and now my heart is turned towards holiness,
my life speeds as an arrow from a bow towards complete obedience to thee.
Help me in all my doings to put down sin and to humble pride.
Save me from the love of the world and the pride of life,
from everything that is natural to fallen man,
and let Christ's nature be seen in me day by day.
Grant me grace to bear thy will without repining, and delight to be
not only chiselled, squared, or fashioned,
but separated from the old rock where I have been embedded so long,
and lifted from the quarry to the upper air,
where I may be built in Christ for ever.
--The Valley of Vision

Sweetness Happening!

2009-10-19T14:46:00.002-05:00

Some exciting things are coming up that I'm really looking forward to...

1. This Thursday night: Derek Webb in concert.
2. November 3rd and 10th I'm heading to Texas A&M to lead worship with the guys at Breakaway. It's supposedly pretty cool. :)
3. November 6th & 7th I'm getting away by myself for a little retreat! Some friends are letting me stay at their "retreat house". It's going to be a time to get some serious songwriting done and to just spend some uninterrupted time with Jesus. It's gonna be so sweet.
4. THANKSGIVING BREAK. Oh man. I cannot even wait. In 37 days I'm heading home to Iowa to visit my family. One of my best friends, Jen, is coming with me. It's going to be LEGENDARY. The last time I was home was 10 months ago. WAY too long.
5. December 8: Shane and Shane in concert. I saw them a few years ago and they are incredible live.
6. February 4-6 is the Verge Conference that my church is putting together. It's a conference that will be focused on how to build missional community wherever you are. Some amazing speakers are going to be speaking including my pastor, Matt Carter and Mr. Francis Chan. Aaron Ivey, the guys and I will be leading worship. SO excited!
7. Recovery. God continues to amaze me at what He is doing through this group. I've been going to Recovery since last January, went through a step study, got a sponsor, still going through the 12 steps...leading worship once a month and now leading an open share group. I cannot even begin to tell you how much this has changed and is changing my life. EVERYONE needs to go through a recovery program. No matter what. DO it. It makes sense. Living life will make more sense. It is so hard, and painful at times. God shows you things that you never even knew existed. Hurts, habits, fears, and pride. But it is so worth it. This community of broken, imperfect, real people has opened my eyes to the reality that we are ALL broken, imperfect messed up people. Some choose to live it out with other people and some people choose to put on a mask of "I've got it all together" while stuffing the mess away.
I'm excited to see how God is growing this group. He is releasing an amazing freedom in His children.

So much goodness. I'm thankful and I'm full. God is good and I am undeserving. Such sweetness.

Grandpa's Funky Shoes

2009-10-15T16:11:00.003-05:00

My mom wrote a sweet post on our Things With Wings blog.
My grandpa is 84, has emphysema and is on oxygen 24/7. He can't really do much.
My mom has been amazing as she watches her parents get older and start losing things that were once strong. She serves and loves them constantly. She is being Jesus to them. It's beautiful.
Anyway, my grandpa used to be really crafty. He would make things out of wood, paint, and do all sorts of other things. He hasn't been able to do much of that anymore, but my mom will bring over some little wood pieces for him to paint to pass the time and so that he can be creative again.
The other day my mom got him some new tennies. His old ones were worn out and falling apart. The next time she came over she found this:These are his old tennis shoes! He painted them! How precious is that?!
My grandpa is funky. And they kinda look like some sort of African flag.
Maybe he's African...which could explain my hair.

A Cry for Deliverance

2009-10-15T13:25:00.003-05:00

From "The Valley of Vision":

Heavenly Father,
Save me entirely from sin.
I know I am righteous through the righteousness of another,
but I pant and pine for likeness to thyself;
I am thy child and should bear thy image,
Enable me to recognize my death unto sin;
When it tempts me may I be deaf unto its voice.
Deliver me from the invasion as well as the dominion of sin.
Grant me to walk as Christ walked,
to live in the newness of his life,
the life of love, the life of faith, the life of holiness.
I abhor my body of death,
its indolence, envy, meanness, pride.
Forgive, and kill these vices,
have mercy on my behalf,
on my corrupt and wandering heart.
When thy blessings come I begin to idolize them,
and set my affection on some beloved object-
children, friends, wealth, honour;
Cleanse this spiritual adultery and give me chastity;
close my heart to all but thee.
Sin is my greatest curse;
Let thy victory be apparent to my consciousness,
and displayed in my life.
Help me to be always devoted, confident, obedient,
resigned, childlike in my trust of thee,
to love thee with soul, body, mind, strength,
to love my fellow-man as I love myself,
to be saved from unregenerate temper, hard thoughts,
slanderous words, meanness, unkind manners,
to master my tongue and keep the door of my lips.
Fill me with grace daily,
that my life be a fountain of sweet water.

Valley of Vision-The Smell of Old People

2009-10-14T13:31:00.005-05:00

I just got this treasure in the mail yesterday. I ordered it used from amazon.com It's old school and it smells like old people. I LOVE it. I seriously smell it all the time.
Is that weird?
Whatever. It reminds me of my grandparents basement.
Last Tuesday at our prayer meeting, Matt read a prayer from this book that completely wrecked me out and I knew that I needed to get this book.
I read this today:

O God, the Author of all good,
I come to thee for the grace another day will require
for its duties and events.
I step out into a wicked world,
I carry about with me an evil heart,
I know that without thee I can do nothing,
that everything with which I shall be concerned,
however harmless in itself,
may prove an occasion of sin or folly,
unless I am kept by thy power.
Hold thou me up and I shall be safe.
Preserve my understanding from subtilty of error,
my affections from love of idols,
my character from stain of vice,
my profession from every form of evil.
May I engage in nothing in which I cannot implore thy blessing,
and in which I cannot invite thy inspection.
Prosper me in all lawful undertakings,
or prepare me for disappointments;
Give me neither poverty nor riches;
Feed me with food convenient for me,
lest I be full and deny thee
and say, Who is the Lord?
or be poor, and steal, and take thy name in vain.
May every creature be made good to me by prayer and thy will;
Teach me how to use the world, and not abuse it,
to improve my talents,
to redeem my time,
to walk in wisdom toward those without,
and in kindness to those within,
to do good to all men,
and especially to my fellow Christians.
And to thee be the glory.

SO good. There are prayers for all topics. What I absolutely love is that the people who wrote these prayers are old guys (Including my man, Spurgeon). They lived a long time ago. The things going on in the world were different, but yet the battle with our souls is the same. The desire to bring Jesus glory is the same.
I love it and I think you should love it too.

Sterling the Super Hero

2009-10-13T11:06:00.003-05:00

I don't know this little boy. But I'm praying for him today. A lot. His name is Sterling and he is pretty much a superhero.I have been hearing his story and prayer requests on Twitter today. (again...God uses Twitter. weird.)
He is in surgery right now getting a brain tumor removed. Pray for him.
Here are some specific requests that I got from this guy's blog:

A successful surgery. - What’s the definition of “successful” here? Well, according to Roger, one simply where Sterling comes out of it. I know that sounds serious, but that’s because it is.
Getting the whole tumor. - The doctor has told them that he expects to get about 85% of it with the chance to get the whole thing. Evidently, there’s 15% that’s in a blind area, and the doctor isn’t willing to risk going into that blind area. Totally understandable. However, the way they’ll remove the tumor, evidently, is by “drilling” into it so that it collapses on itself. Hopefully, the hidden 15% will collapse with the rest so that it can come on out. Roger equated it to a gummy worm being stuck in your kid’s car seat. You pull on it hoping the whole thing comes out, but there’s a chance the end breaks off. So, pray for the whole worm.
Good recovery. – They say that kids bounce back a lot better than adults. So, that’s good. And Sterling’s a strong, active kid (as you can tell from how good he is at soccer). So, I fully expect this one to be easy. However, we definitely want the Lord’s hand fully in Sterling’s recovery. They’re expecting a seven-day hospital stay followed by about three weeks at home. However, he could be up and going after a couple of days. There’s just a number of factors on which that depends.
A benign tumor. – This is just the beginning of a bit of a journey for Sterling, Roger, Becca and their family. The prayer is that the journey isn’t made any more serious.
Strength for Sterling. – I can’t imagine having to process this for myself, much less being a four-almost-five-year-old. It’s a lot to deal with for sure, but I know that with God, Sterling can get through it for sure.
Peace for Roger and Becca. – Probably the hardest thing for them to have right now.
Guidance and empowering for Dr. Wellons. – This is Sterling’s main doctor, at least the one that’s going to be holding the instruments in the O.R. However, we’re seeking the help of the Great Physician. I want Him to be the one working in and through all the doctors and nurses.

Sterling's dad is on twitter and his latest update says this:
"OR Update: skull cap removed, all going well. Working their way toward tumor (slow process), going under microscope. Confirming U2 playing."

Keep this little guy in your prayers today.

Courrier EP on iTunes. GET IT.

2009-10-13T08:13:00.003-05:00

Go now. RIGHT now and get this EP.
Courrier : "Like the Cold of Snow in the Time of Harvest"
These guys are legit. I have been playing this CD over and over in my car since their release party Thursday night.
Get it on itunes. You will love it.

Adoption

2009-10-12T18:12:00.002-05:00

My good friend Zach posted a video of a sermon he did on adoption. Here is a clip of an illustration that he gives with his daughter Mya. She is lovely!

Untitled from Zach Nielsen on Vimeo.

New Music --Todd Agnew & Chris Tomlin

2009-10-06T11:42:00.003-05:00

New Music out today!!!

Mr. Todd Agnew.
Todd and his family attend my church (Austin Stone). I have gotten the privilege to lead worship with him a few times. Amazing musician, amazing heart for Jesus.
Check out his new CD "Need". He is real and his songs are passionate about the struggles of life and the joy that is in Jesus.
Here is a quote from his website:

"One after another, we learn that we have a real need to be loved, to be rescued, to be redeemed, to be restored. Those are universal needs and they are all met in Jesus. It's a matter of trusting God to help me walk through that...even though I don't know what I'm doing."

Mr. Chris Tomlin.
Chris used to be one of the worship leader at my church before he moved to Atlanta to help start the Passion City Church.
He is releasing a Christmas album, "Glory in the Highest" today! SO excited for this.
Go get some new music!

COURRIER

2009-10-06T09:53:00.003-05:00

You will need to check this out.
Some good friends of mine are releasing an EP this week. They are REALLY good.
Check them out and listen to their music www.myspace.com/courriermusic
You can also follow them on twitter www.twitter.com/courriermusic

So here are the details:

EP info: Courrier “Like the Cold of Snow in the Time of Harvest”
EP release Party in Austin, TX: La Zona Rosa, THIS Thursday, Oct. 8th, 8pm, with Jets Under Fire and The Canvas Waiting
EP drop Date: EP will be available on iTunes, eMusic, Amazon, etc., on Oct. 13th.

Seriously don't miss out on this. These guys are the real deal.
They were on the Austin morning news today! Here is the video--

HopeFest

2009-10-01T15:49:00.000-05:00

*****HUGE NEED*****

Volunteers are needed for this year's Hopefest. It is a celebration happening in the St. John's neighborhood where booths and resources will be available for the community.
They need 400 volunteers and they currently have less than 50 signed up.
This is 9 days away.

Hopefest is happening on October 10 from 9:30-3pm @ Reagan High School
Go to the website to get more information and to sign up.

Spread the word/blog about it, tweet about it, facebook about it...and SIGN UP TO HELP!!!!!
This is a HUGE deal. Last year they had over 4,500 people show up to this event.
They cannot do this with 50 volunteers.

55 Days until Legendary

2009-10-01T14:28:00.002-05:00

The personalized google desktop countdown has been set.
It's official.
55 days.
I will be in Iowa seeing my family and friends for Thanksgiving!!!
I can't wait!!
This trip is going to be a little different. The legendary factor will go through the roof...because...get ready...
One of my best friends, Jen, is coming home with me!!
I'm pretty sure it's gonna get out of control real fast.

I Will Exalt You

2009-09-30T16:13:00.001-05:00

I'm loving this today

1 Peter 5:6-7

2009-09-29T14:21:00.001-05:00

So humble yourselves under God's strong hand, and in his own good time he will lift you up. You can throw the weight of your anxieties upon Him, for you are His personal concern.
1 Peter 5:6-7

Argyle Socks Meets Monday's Fabulous Moment

2009-09-28T14:12:00.005-05:00

oh. my. word.
My sister just sent me this picture and it just might be Monday's Fabulous Moment. My Lily knows how to work the knee socks.
She is truly lovely! I need her now.
I love being an aunt, but not when they are so far away. :(
Here's another cute one...

"Ooo Baby, Here I am..."

2009-09-28T10:35:00.003-05:00

So it's Monday morning. Monday's are always hard...after a full day of leading worship on Sunday. It makes getting up to be to work at 8am a little difficult.
Today I've got my ipod in and am listening to some Stevie Wonder.
"Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I'm Yours)" is the song that is waking me up and getting me going!
At one point a little dance move came out of me as I'm sitting at my desk. It happened to be as my boss was coming around the corner. Nice. I don't think he saw me though! haha!
what songs do you listen to that get you going in the morning?!
Let's make a playlist.

Mark Driscoll-Filthy Roman Sponge

2009-09-25T12:41:00.001-05:00

I can't stop thinking about this.

Matt Chandler-On His Devotional Life

2009-09-24T23:08:00.001-05:00

Exchanging My Inadequacy for Jesus' Adequacy

2009-09-23T11:10:00.003-05:00

I read an Elisabeth Elliot devo and this particular one was talking about a friend of hers who was born with no legs. This friend encouraged a family who just had a baby with no arms or no legs. This is what she encouraged them with:

"I am convinced without a doubt that a loving Heavenly Father oversees the creative miracles in the inner sanctum of each mother's womb (Psalm 139), and that in His sovereignty there are no accidents."
"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Creator calls a butterfly. As humanity we see only the imperfect, underside of God's tapestry of our lives. What we judge to be "tragic--the most dreaded thing that could happen", I expect we'll one day see as the awesome reason for the beauty and uniqueness of our life and our family. I think that's why James 1:2 is a favorite verse of min. Phillips' translation put it this way: 'When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives, my brothers, don't resent them as intruders but welcome them as friends."
"I pray that your roots of faith will grow deep down into the faithfulness of God's Loving Plan, that you will exchange your inadequacy for the Adequacy of Jesus' resurrection power, and that you will be awed as you witness the fruits of the Spirit manifested in your family."

SO good. I love the part about exchanging our inadequacy for the adequacy of Jesus' resurrection power. I'm claiming that today.

Who Reads This Thing?

2009-09-23T11:06:00.003-05:00

Who are you?! I want to know. I know there are some readers out there and would love to meet you if I don't know you!
Those of you I know...who are you? Who reads this thing?!
Don't be afraid...let me know who you are!
Leave a comment.
I do my fair share of blog stalking. It's ok.

God is Wooing Us To Heaven

2009-09-21T13:39:00.001-05:00

"Heaven is not here, it's There. If we were given all we wanted here, our hearts would settle for this world rather than the next. God is forever luring us up and away from this one, wooing us to Himself and His still invisible Kingdom, where we will certainly find what we so keenly long for." --Elisabeth Elliot

{Weepiness & Craziness} welcome to my life

2009-09-18T19:54:00.003-05:00

I was weepy yesterday. It sucks. Today is better...I think.
Sometimes my best writing comes from when I'm in these weepy states and sometimes not...so we'll see what comes out.
I'm all about being raw and real lately. So just throwing that out there as a disclaimer.
When God is moving and digging into places in your heart it hurts sometimes. Those places that are still very much alive with self will hurt when God gets after it, there is still life there, it will hurt. He wants those things to die so that He can take that spot and give life back. His life. There is no room for self.
As I reflect on yesterday, there were so many things going on around me and inside of me. It's hard and frustrating to understand why I have days like this. I should be happy, I should be joyful. I generally am that way...so why the tears? Why the sadness? Why this day?
The ups and downs. It's hard.
It makes me start questioning if I'm not trusting God enough, or praying enough, or reading His word enough.
God doesn't really work like that. He doesn't punish based on our efforts to try and DO. I have to remind myself of that.

Titus 3:4-7 "When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. Because of his grace he declared us righteous and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life."

God has shown me, through a couple of amazing men, how necessary these times are. These men struggled with depression, the ups and downs, the tears, the not so joyful days.

David (man after God's own heart)-
Psalm 40:1-2 "I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along."

My man Charles Spurgeon (one of the greatest preachers in the 19th century)-
"Fits of depression come over the most of us. Usually cheerful as we may be, we must at intervals be cast down. The strong are not always vigorous, the wise not always ready, the brave not always courageous, and the joyous not always happy. I note that some whom I greatly love and esteem, who are, in my judgment, among the very choicest of God's people, nevertheless, travel most of the way to heaven by night."
"Any simpleton can follow the narrow path in the light: faith's rare wisdom enables us to march on in the dark with infallible accuracy, since she places her hand in that of her Great Guide."

Joseph Hart (hymn writer)-
Come ye sinners poor and needy Weak and wounded, sick and sore Jesus ready stands to save you Full of pity, love and power I will arise and go to Jesus He will embrace me in His arms
In the arms of my dear Savior
Oh, there are ten thousand charms

Come ye thirsty, come and welcome
God's free bounty glorify
True belief and true repentance
Every grace that brings you nigh

Come ye wear, heavy laden
Lost and ruined by the fall
If you tarry till you're better
You will never come at all

View Him prostrate in the garden
On the ground your Maker lies
On the bloody tree behold Him
Sinner, will this not suffice?

God is and has always been faithful. I am the unfaithful one. I'm so thankful that His grace covers over and over and over again.
I'm seeing how He provides in abundance.
I have amazing friends around me who love me so deeply and who encourage me daily. They know how to make me smile and laugh. They know how to just let me cry. They know how and when to pray for me.
I'm so humbled.
The day was full of hugs from God through them.
I got to spend the evening with 4 amazing women who seriously bless my life like crazy. It was the perfect way to end the day.
We went to Charlotte's softball game and at this point Kate had not arrived so it was just Jen, Ro and I...
We were told that we needed to cheer more. So we did. We got real obnoxious and the three of us even did the wave. Several times.
Ro stole my shades and looked all fly...
And she even showed us her pole sliding skills...even though she was afraid of heights.And at the end of the night she ran up to Jen and did this...I almost peed my pants right there in the parking lot when I mentioned something about her booty and she looked at the pic and said...."That girl got donk! I'd be like 'ooo can I have her number?' You gotta send me that pic". I about died.
Ok. not sure how this post started out talking about weepiness and God's love and grace then ended with...well...this.
Welcome to my life. :)

Black in Heaven. Yeah.

2009-09-18T00:02:00.001-05:00

Jen and I explain to Ro why it is that we are gonna be black in heaven.
yeah. I said it.

A Man Worth Waiting For

2009-09-15T23:57:00.003-05:00

So...here is a real honest post.
I am continually stirred when God starts showing me the condition of my heart.
I am stirred to realness, to vulnerability, to be honest with myself, with others and most importantly and first with God.
I was sharing with a dear friend of mine the other day about how all around me are couples coming together and getting married.
I'm 28. I'm single. With NO one interested.
I am generally very ok with that. I have prayed for God to keep my heart and for Him to keep guys away until the right one comes along and in His timing. I am thankful that He has done that. I've also prayed that He would continue to heal my heart.
During this season of seeing friends come together in marriage, I have also let doubt in. (my friend was quick to say..."doubt is not from God."...OK!!!)
I see these guys who love so deeply and live sacrificially for their girls. I know they are not perfect and they will not be able to love and live perfectly and that Christ will be the only one to satisfy and to give them the ability to love and sacrifice.
I find myself doubting that I will be loved like that. That someone would actually love me and sacrifice for me and want only me.
Enter...the Holy Spirit.
Jesus.
His love is complete. His sacrifice is complete. His desire for me is complete.
This man...whoever he is...will fail me, will not love me and sacrifice for me the way that I yearn to be loved and sacrificed for and desired.
I'm so thankful for Jesus.
I know that He yearns to give me the desires of my heart. He wants to give me sweet gifts. I'm surrendering. Surrendering to His will not mine.
My friend shared this with me in an email:

"Ultimately, its surrender. A 'Thy will, not mine be done' Placing not only our hurts and wrongs in his hands, but also our hopes and our dreams in His hands. He is the God of all hope Romans 15:3 and He cares for us!! He is the perfect Father, who wants to give every good gift to us.
I think when we dwell on His correction a bit too much that it slides over to just seeing Him as our disciplinarian, but we must never forget that He loves us with a love so amazing and unimaginable. He rejoices over us-His precious ones. So the truth is everytime our dream of "him" (the man of our dreams and the whole wedding thing) occurs what if you begin to pray for him and surrender it all back to God?
'God I give this dream to you and know that you can and will provide something so much better than what I can imagine and I just give it back to you. Please lead and guide "him" to your heart. Fill him up with you, Spirit, so that he can walk in a manner worthy of your calling."
As a wife, praying for your husband will be one of the chief things you will get to do to serve him in love. What if we started now!?"

I'm praying for this man, and he is worth waiting for! :)

Rise & Shine

2009-09-14T14:17:00.003-05:00

One of our worship leaders, Andy Melvin, recently wrote a new song for the church. We sang it yesterday and I could really feel the Spirit move powerfully through the words of this song...challenging people to step up and be the hands and feet of Christ. Here are the words...

We were once Your enemy
Now displayers of Your mercy
Called from darkness into light
To be the very hands and feet of Christ
So in the Name that saves
Let Your love ignite a flame in us

We've got rise and shine
We've got to rise and shine
The light of the world alive in us
The hope of the world alive in us
We've got to rise and shine

To you repairers of the breach
To you restorers of these broken streets
For every hungry tongue
For all injustice done beneath the sun

For the hopeless and the weary
For the broken and the needy
For Your glory, send Your Spirit
And let it rise

Last week Andy asked me to come over and learn the song...little did I know I showed up to "rehearse" at his recording studio and he had a mic and headphones all ready for me to RECORD! what?!
I listened to the song once and hammered out a bgv part and had it recorded in 45 minutes or so!
They attached the recording to the podcast of Matt's sermon (which you should definitely listen to) from yesterday. Check it out here. It's right under the sermon title "Powerful Witness of the Resurrection".
God is stirring up His church to get up and move. It's challenging and hard but SO good.

Amos & Story

2009-09-11T17:15:00.003-05:00

Adoption is happening all around me and I love it. But I hate it at the same time. My heart hurts when I see families who are waiting to get their kids. It just doesn't make sense to me, why it takes SO long.
My good friends Aaron & Jamie are waiting for their kids Amos and Story. I'm praying everyday, "Lord let this be the day. Lord let this be the day."
They have been able to visit them in Haiti several times and it gets harder and harder to leave, I can't imagine.
Aaron just got back and here is a video that he made of some of his time with Amos and Story.
Pray for them to come home SOON.

The E Man

2009-09-11T11:25:00.004-05:00

My dear friends Dan & Shadley finally got their boy, Esias, from Ethiopia this summer and they just posted a video on their blog of getting him. Oh, my heart!
So sweet!

Please pray for him today as he had surgery to remove an adenoid and he also has laryngomalacia so they had to clear out his airway so that he can get the proper O2 levels.

Red Head BIG Booty Slap

2009-09-10T21:40:00.006-05:00

Jen made me watch this in a coffee shop.
In public.
People were looking at me because I was crying...making noises...laughing SO hard. I'm seriously surprised I did not pee myself.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I love this song and that I have my very own booty slap dance. But seriously, this kid has got some moves.
OH man. I'm in pain from laughing so hard.
enjoy....

Wedding Weekend!

2009-09-04T12:00:00.003-05:00

Wedding time!!! Hilary is getting married THIS WEEKEND!!! yay!!!
This weekend is FULL. It's going to be so much fun.
We're getting together tonight to get some last minute stuff put together.
Saturday is getting the apartment put together for company coming. Picking up Miss Sarah from the airport. Bachelorette party Saturday night...which will be LEGENDARY!
We have rented out a dance studio and an instructor is going to teach us hip hop routines. On top of that...it's an 80's theme party, so we will all be sporting the coolest outfits.
I will be going as an 80's rocker chick. It will be amazing.
Sunday morning we are having a bridal breakfast up on Mt. Bonnell and then we are going to the 11:15 service of church (PAC) which I will also be singing at.
My friend Christy will get in sometime Sunday afternoon.
The rehearsal and rehearsal dinner Sunday night downtown. Complete with kareoking.
Monday wedding day!
I have taken Tuesday off of work because...well...I will be worth nothing.
It will consist of taking my friends to the airport, sleeping and a massage. It will be lovely.

Precious Faith

2009-09-03T13:38:00.004-05:00

Spurgeon Today:

"The Lord trieth the righteous." -Psalm 11:5
All events are under the control of Providence; consequently all the trials of our outward life are traceable at once to the great First Cause. Out of the golden gate of God's ordinance the armies of trial march forth in array, clad in their iron armour, and armed with weapons of war. All providences are doors to trial. Even in our mercies, like roses, have their thorns. Men may be drowned in seas of prosperity as well as in rivers of affliction. Our mountains are not too high, and our valleys are not too low for temptations: trials lurk on all roads. Everywhere, above and beneath, we are beset and surrounded with dangers. Yet no shower falls unpermitted from the threatening cloud; every drop has its order ere it hastens to the earth. The trials which come from God are sent to prove and strengthen our graces, and so at once to illustrate the power of divine grace, to test the genuineness of our virtues, and to add to their energy. Our Lord in His infinite wisdom and superabundant love, sets so high a value upon His people's faith that He will not screen them from those trials by which faith is strengthened. You would never have possessed the precious faith which now supports you if the trial of your faith had not been like unto fire. You are a tree that never would have rooted so well if the wind had not rocked you to and fro, and made you take firm hold upon the precious truths of the covenant grace. Worldly ease is a great foe to faith; it loosens the joints of holy valour, and snaps the sinews of sacred courage. The balloon never rises until the cords are cut; affliction doth this sharp service for believing souls. While the wheat sleeps comfortably in the husk it is useless to man, it must be threshed out of its resting place before its value can be known. Thus it is well that Jehovah trieth the righteous, for it causeth them to grow rich towards God.

Heartbreaking Foot Washing

2009-09-02T23:40:00.002-05:00

This breaks my heart.

(HT Zach)

Oh How He Loves!

2009-09-01T10:59:00.003-05:00

Throughout this series that we are doing at my church I have gotten to pray with some people after the service.
It was not planned.
They just came to me.
Several of them.
One girl just kept saying that she felt like throughout worship she felt like I was screaming her name and just knew that she needed to come ask me for prayer. Another girl came up to me with tears in her eyes and said...I just feel like I was supposed to come and talk to you.
My soul stirs when this happens. God is moving. It was no accident that these people came to me and asked for prayer.
I don't feel gifted in that area, but God uses me somehow and I love it. I love lifting hurting people up in prayer.
I felt honored that they would come to me and share what they are struggling with and humbly ask for prayer. Especially when it's someone they don't even know.
Something that I love praying over people is that they would know and believe the extent of God's love for them. Especially in the hurt.
This song is on repeat on my ipod. It's David Crowder's new song.
How He Loves

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

And oh, how He loves us, oh
Oh how He loves us
How He loves us all

And we are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way
He loves us Oh how He loves us
Oh How He loves us

13 is a Good Age!

2009-09-01T08:10:00.003-05:00

My sweet nephew Jackson turned 13 on Sunday! WHAT?!!?! He's a teenager. CRAZY! He is so handsome and so much fun. When I come home next time, he is the one that I am going to be most shocked by! He has now gotten taller than my sister. Which means he will be taller than me. He will for sure be able to take me out.
I'm so proud of Jack. He carries himself well and he is confident in the Lord. He is wise beyond his years and his sense of humor...is...JUST like his dads. We've got a Joe Jr. here folks. :) Love you SO much Jack!

You Will Be Healed

2009-08-31T09:16:00.003-05:00

The last two weeks at the Stone have been unbelievable. Matt has been doing a series on confession called "You Will Be Healed".
For some reason the church has set off a tone that to the believer makes you feel as if we have to be put together and that it is not ok to be not ok and then we find ourselves living double lives, covering up sin and putting on fake Christian smiles.
To the unbeliever it completely turns them off from God, Jesus, & the church.
All of that makes me want to vomit.
It's completely opposite from what God calls us to do. He is very clear about confessing our sins not only to Him but to each other, walking in the light and receiving His healing and freedom that comes from that.
The first week of the series I had the honor of being interviewed for a video on my experience with confession. It was humbling...especially with it being shown in front of 5,000 people! There were a couple of other people they interviewed as well and their stories are incredible!
We decided to keep the video private so that we had control over who sees it since it's pretty sensitive material. If you want to see it let me know and I can send it to you.

I would STRONGLY suggest listening to these sermons online. You can listen to them on our website here.

I absolutely love and am SO thankful that God has given me the amazing gift of leading worship at the Stone. These last two weeks have been amazing. I can't even fully explain what I get to experience in leading these people.
God has been breaking hearts over sin, as He has called people to walk in the light, as He has shown His grace, mercy and forgiveness I have sensed an amazing difference in worship.
When God reveals Himself in our brokenness and when we get to the depths of our sin and we start to taste the freedom from that, there comes a new level of worship. I have been sensing that in the worship of God's people at the Stone.
It is truly incredible!

Yesterday we sang the song Healer. A song that drew up controversy awhile back when the writer of the song claimed to have written it while battling cancer. He led worship with an oxygen mask...made a video with Hillsong about all of this...then it came out that it was all a lie. He actually wrote the song out of a desperate cry for God to heal him of his pornography addiction.
Matt shared this story yesterday and it was powerful. This is basically what he said at the end of the story...
"We are going to sing this song. Some of you are probably thinking...why would we sing a song that was written by a pornography addicted sinner? Just like we can read from a sinner like Paul. Like you can listen to a sermon by a sinner like me. Like you can be led in worship by a sinner like Aaron."
God redeems and He uses broken, messed up sinners.
It was a powerful night.
Please, just listen to this series.

"I trust in You
I trust in You
I believe You're my Healer, I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion, I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need, You're more than enough for me."

I Feel Helpless

2009-08-28T16:50:00.003-05:00

Again, Katie from Uganda, has moved me to tears with her newest post.
I'm praying for her and for her heart...for God's strength and for these kids. Especially Michael and Patricia. Read this post and be moved by the stats. Be moved by her willingness to love and serve. Be moved to DO something. I don't know what...but something.
I feel helpless. I feel like I want to go over there right now and just be another pair of hands for her.

My Soul Sister

2009-08-28T13:41:00.003-05:00

I'm going to brag on my friend, Jen, for just a second.
Not only does she share my love of Africa and black babies, but she has blessed my life over and over again. She makes me laugh...HARD. Like...peeing my pants laugh.
One of the things I appreciate most about her is how she speaks truth into my life. She is quick to be there for me when I need to just be told, "It's going to be ok". Or if I just need her to make me laugh...or talk black to me...by saying...."Gurrl you is ghetto."
I can count on her to just show up if I need a hug.
The other day when I was getting real frustrated with all my ghetto health stuff and starting to get anxious, she sent me this email that made me get on my face before my Maker.
I wanted to share it with y'all cause I think some of you may need to hear this too.

"Somehow, you've got to consider it pure joy, evidence that you are doing great work for God's kingdom. Know that you are worthy of these kinds of struggles. Satan goes to God and seeks permission to burden you with pain and exhaustion and God says, "go ahead and test her because I know her heart and she's mine. She will not stop praising my name." God doesn't need your body, friend, He needs your heart. that's all. Keep praying. Don't let fear in. Don't let it reside in any part of your being. He's got this."

yeah. take that in.
Love you Miss Jen.